If There's Love
by Karmagirl880618
Summary: This is a series of One-Shots staring Reid and Prentiss. From friends to lovers, there will be a little bit of everything in here. Rated T for now but the rating will probably change.
1. Last One To Know

**A/N: Hello, my lovely readers. Life has been so crazy that I've had this serious case of writers block. I've been trying to finish a story and the last two chapters have been hard to finish. So i decided to give my mind something else to work on and here you have it. I looked up and I had four different One-Shots and ideas for several more. I've always been a fan of the Reid/Prentiss pairing. So i decided to make it a series. Here are the first two. There are two more coming soon. Not all of them are rated M but I know at least two are. Instead of quotes there will be song lyrics from the song that inspired the fic. So enjoy. If There's love is a song by Citizen Cope. And Last One To Know is a song by Joss Stone.**

_"Will this episode explode to the light of love. Is this the door that will never close like it's done before..."_

Emily Prentiss was the very epitome of worn out and tired but she couldn't sleep. Not after what her and Reid had gone through in Colorado. Instead, she was laid out on her sofa in comfy sweatpants, a thin hooded t-shirt, and slipper boots. Being home felt great but she still couldn't sleep. She stared out of her large windows sipping a glass of wine and holding ice to one of her many bruises.

Her mind kept wondering back to one moment. It wasn't during the tumultuous time spent held prisoner, it was after. The moment she couldn't stop thinking about happened on the jet. She had just finished explaining to Reid that what happened to her wasn't his fault and he'd given her a weak smile. It was so simple, the moment she kept thinking about, but she couldn't get her mind off of it. Spencer Reid, the man who rarely shook hands with anyone they met had rubbed her hand with his thumb. It was such a wonderfully intimate gesture it caught her off guard. It just wasn't his style. She'd heard stories about how he'd kissed a girl in a pool but she just couldn't reconcile that man with the Spencer Reid she knew. He had an unnatural aversion to touching people; she'd tease him about it every now and then. She'd muss his hair or hold his hand just to bother him but he'd never returned the gesture. Now in less than 24 hours he had full on hugged her and rubbed her hand with his thumb.

The hug could be easily explained away. They had just survived something traumatic. She'd been so happy to see that he and Morgan were okay after the explosion, Reid maybe a little more than Morgan. Morgan was always okay but Spencer was a trouble magnet. He had a way of getting hurt in situations that were supposed to be safe. She knew for a fact that if she hadn't piped up and said she was the FBI agent Cyrus would have killed Reid. He wouldn't kill Emily, although she foresaw that his reaction would be biblical. That was a given considering his reactions to women beforehand. He obviously didn't consider them equal to men and he wouldn't kill one for the same reason. Reid he would have shot dead and she never would have forgiven herself. She cared more about the awkward genius than she willing to admit. Garcia and JJ already saw it, whether she was willing to admit or not.

There was a knock on her door that let her know her guest had arrived. He had called her asking if she was awake. He was having trouble sleeping too but that was normal for him. He never could turn that super brain of his off. She groaned pulling herself up setting her glass of wine on the table. She looked out the peephole and smiled. She opened the door and Reid smiled awkwardly with his hands shoved deep in his pockets. Something about him looked brand new. She couldn't put her finger on it. She'd seen him in his pajamas a couple of times but this was different. She stepped aside and let him in taking in his nervous demeanor. She closed the door and locked it before walking to the kitchen and pouring him his own glass of wine. He took it but she noticed he didn't drink it. She also noticed that he was having trouble looking at her face. He would look everywhere else but he couldn't meet her eyes. Emily walked back over and sat down on the sofa waiting patiently for him to follow. He plopped down next to her watching as she put the ice back on her stomach.

"Reid, what brings you here at," she looked at the clock on her DVD player, "Three in the morning? Not that I was sleeping."

"I couldn't sleep." He responded staring at his glass of wine. He took a sip and sat it back on the table relaxing back on the sofa. She rolled her eyes and looked back at him. She already knew that part but she decided not to say that.

"Yeah, that makes two of us."

"I figured you wouldn't be asleep."

"What's on your mind?" She asked softly. He sat up and put his elbows on his knees and looked up at her. She could tell just by the look in his eyes what was on his mind. She reached out and grabbed his hand holding it in hers. When he went to look away she yanked his arm until he met her eyes silently reiterating what she'd said before.

"I know. I just can't help feeling like…I don't know. I could have taken the beating; I shouldn't have made you do it for me."

"We both know you would have taken a bullet and not a beating. How do you think I would have felt watching you die?"

"I just can't help thinking about how I treated you before; I was a dick to you Emily. I don't think I've ever actually apologized to you for that. What I was going through…it's no excuse." Emily just stared at him for a second. For one, Dr. Spencer Reid just used the word 'dick' in a sentence. And another thing, he just mentioned what it seemed everyone else had deemed unmentionable. Everyone seemed to ignore his addiction and subsequent recovery but she'd always admired his strength.

"No, Reid, there was no excuse for ignoring it. We didn't help you like we should have."

"I wouldn't have let you." He responded looking at his hands in his lap. That was probably true but they probably should have tried anyway. They made it taboo, which meant they pretty much acted as though it was supposed to go away on its own. The man before her had been through hell but somehow they all forgot.

"I'm so sorry, Spencer." She blurted out without thinking about it. She was looking ahead of her.

"Why are you sorry?"

"For expecting you to work miracles without help." He looked at her clearly confused. She'd obviously lost him somewhere. She'd made leaps and bounds in her mind and somehow forgot to bring him along. "What you did, without help, was amazing. I'm sorry we never told you just how special you are." He looked up at her blushing before he looked away.

"What does not destroy me, makes me stronger." He quoted still not looking at her.

"Yeah, well, we should be a team full of Kryptonians by now." _Wow, that was unbelievably nerdy. Even for you Emily. _Anyone else would have looked at her funny but Reid just snorted and nodded.

"We're more like the Land of Misfit Toys." He replied taking another sip of his wine.

"You are the only misfit toy I know who randomly quotes Nietzsche randomly."

"He who has a why can endure any how." He quoted again the beginnings of a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. Emily, at that moment, got a feeling in her stomach she wasn't sure how to explain away.

"A thought, even a possibility, can shatter and transform us."

"You have your way, I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist."

"There is always some madness in love. But there is always some reason in madness."

"'I have done that' says my memory. 'I cannot have done that' says my pride, and remains adamant. At last – memory yields."

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman as the most dangerous play thing."

"Love is a state in which a man sees things most decidedly as they are not."

"To make the individual uncomfortable, that is my task."

"We often refuse to accept an idea merely because the tone of voice in which it has been expressed is unsympathetic to us."

"I think I'm out." She started and she saw his smile grow when he realized he won. "I swear we should make this a drinking game."

"Why?"

"Then maybe I'll win. I would win if it was 80's rock lyrics."

It was hours later when she woke up curled against his fully clothed body that she really thought about that feeling her stomach. It was butterflies. She couldn't believe it. She was a grown woman with a crush. She didn't want to move for fear of waking him but it wasn't the only reason. She felt warm and safe. There was a flutter in her chest and her belly along with a feeling akin to sipping hot chocolate in winter. It spread warmth through her from the tips of her hair to her toe nails.

She couldn't figure out when it started. They had had their problems. They didn't get a long for a while. But then something changed and she realized there was no one like him. He was a good friend and a good man. He had so many traits that she'd looked for in men for years but never found. Maybe that's why he brought her peace.

She put her own life on the line because his was in danger. Even if she could relive it she would change a thing. He felt guilty for something that was her decision. But that was one of those things she liked about him. He had a heart the size of a small country. That's why he put himself between an angry boy and the cops ready to shoot him. That's why he couldn't sleep on the plane after seeing that boy shot in front of him. Most people would let it go because he was in no way a good kid. He'd talked teenagers into kidnapping, raping, and murdering a girl and keeping another.

He stirred and she panicked pretending to still be asleep but he didn't fall for it. She could feel his eyes on her. It took all her strength to finally look up but it was worth it. There, in his eyes before he had a chance to hide it, was the same thing she was feeling. Something was definitely different between Spencer and Emily. There was something else there that she had been denying within herself. His gaze was filled with warmth and love and it sped up her heart in her chest.

How could she hide this from herself? She was sure he could see it. He pushed her hair back behind her hair and rubbed her cheek. It was such an intimate gesture that her breath caught in her throat. This wasn't the same boy she'd met years before. It was when his lips met hers that she finally admitted it to herself.

She was in love with Spencer Reid. And she was pretty sure he loved her too. She couldn't think of anything that terrified her more than that.

_"I think that I've just found me the right one. I can't believe that I'm the last to know..."_


	2. You Make it Real

**A/N: You Make it Real is a song by James Morrison. It's a really beautiful song**

_"So much craziness surrounding me, so much going on it's hard to breathe. When all my faith has gone, you bring it back to me. You make it real for me..."_

Another dreadfully sad evening, he should be use to them now.

Dr. Spencer Reid was frustrated with the entire concept of dating at this point. He was tired of agreeing to go on these horrible dates simply because they were supposed to be better than spending another night in his apartment.

SSA Christy Shannon was nice to look at, and as much as he hated to admit it, that's where her good qualities ended. She'd spent their entire dinner telling him about the adventurous hijinks of her cat, Dancer. The fact that she was pretty, and supposedly completely in love with him if Morgan could be trusted, did not make her any less dull.

But he sat there, smiling and nodding, as though he cared how her cat ended up in her neighbors' underwear drawer. Horribly perverted cat, if you ask him.

But of course she didn't. He only spoke three times throughout the date and it made the date worse. When he spoke her eyes would glaze over and he could tell she was waiting for a chance to mention Dancer again.

The last date had been a little better; she had at least wanted to take him home. He didn't go but it was nice to be wanted. She'd all but molested him at the restaurant all in an attempt to get in his pants. He found out later that she thought he was a virgin and she wanted to de-flower him.

He wasn't a virgin and hadn't been for a long time but there were still hookers that offered to de-flower him for free. Did he really look that innocent? He didn't feel that innocent.

* * *

><p>The next morning he woke up to his phone ringing, they had a case in South Carolina. When they were on the jet he sat quietly with his file but he felt eyes on him. He looked up to find Emily staring at him. She looked away immediately blushing.<p>

That had been happening a lot lately. Her looks had gotten considerably more appreciative since he got his hair cut. He couldn't help thinking that maybe...

No that was wishful thinking. Emily Prentiss was so far out of his league they weren't even in the same continent. Women like her, gorgeous and smart and strong, didn't go for guys like him. Women like that don't drool over sexually frustrated socially awkward geniuses.

He couldn't help wishing she did though. The sad thing was that every girl he went out with got compared to Emily. Maybe his dates wouldn't suck so much if he wasn't so enchanted by the raven haired dark eyed beauty he worked with. SSA Christy Shannon had nothing on the woman of his dreams.

"So, Pretty Boy, how did your date go?" Morgan asked on the jet on the way back from South Carolina. Reid simply rolled his eyes in response and got up for coffee. "That good, huh?"

"What date?" Emily asked suddenly interested. All Reid could do was sigh. The last thing he wanted was for HER to hear about his latest romantic failure.

"He had a date with SSA Christy Shannon." There was a grin on Morgan's face when he said her name. Emily snorted and rolled her eyes. "What?"

"Agent Shannon, blonde, buxom, leggy, and about as interesting as a wet mop. So, Reid, did you have fun?" There was something in her voice he didn't quite understand. She was angry and he had no clue why.

"No. She was nice enough but we have absolutely nothing in common. I have a better understanding of her cat than I do of her." He replied cautiously. She looked up at him for what felt like a long time but was probably seconds. When she looked away he picked up his book and started reading. That was...interesting.

It was hours later when he was on his second brandy that she brought it up again. He didn't want to talk about it anymore on the plane. In fact he ignored all of Morgan's attempts to get him to talk about it. He didn't want to have the pity party his mind and ego wanted him to have. He knew what the problem was even if no one else wanted to say it.

Morgan decided, against Reid's carefully thought up excuses, that he needed to get out for a while. He promised the drinks would be on him and got Garcia involved. There was no way he could say no at that point. Emily decided she was going too as did JJ. He was stuck and he knew for a fact that his love life was going to be the topic of conversation.

It started with JJ wanting to introduce him to one of the cops Will worked with. He declined and she told him that he needed to get out more. Reid couldn't help thinking that he wished that were the problem. Maybe if he got out less he would be happier.

After pretty much forcing Reid to go out Morgan left him. Of course, Morgan being… well… Morgan, he left with a woman he met at the bar. He hated it to think it but he kind of wished he could be more like that sometimes. But that just wasn't him. His mother didn't teach him to be that away. She may have been sick all his life but she still managed to teach him that women deserve respect. A slew of bad dates and a serious dry spell weren't going to change that. It was too ingrained in him.

JJ and Garcia went home to their men after desperately trying to talk him into going out with Will's friend. That of course left him with the woman he could look at but never touch. He'd wanted to be alone with Emily for a long time but not like this. His mind had considerably more colorful things planned. But there she was, sitting across from him, seemingly pissed at him for whatever reason.

He really did have abysmal luck with women.

"Come on, Reid, tell me what's going through that super brain of yours." He looked up at her but he wasn't sure she was the person to talk to about it. How do you tell the woman you're in love with that even though you can't have her you can't seem to let go? How do you tell her that you sincerely wish that you could find a woman like her so maybe she wouldn't haunt your dreams anymore? There was really no way this conversation would end well for him. Might as well get some therapy out of it.

"It's me, I'm the reason all of my dates end so horribly." He said quietly swirling his brandy in his cup.

"Why do you say that?" He gave her a look that said she knew the answer. "Reid, you are a great guy." He couldn't help the snort the escaped him. It was nice that so many women seemed to think of him that way but it really didn't help his current predicament any. In fact it just made it all the more unfortunate.

"Do you know how many women have told me that right before they told me they didn't want to date me? It's always 'you're such a nice guy, Spencer' or you're so adorable, Spencer. That's usually right before they tell me we should just be friends or that they think of me as a brother." Finally, he downed the brandy and motioned for another. Did he need more? Probably not, but that didn't really stop him.

"I'm sorry." Emily responded quietly. He didn't want to see the pity in her eyes so he kept his eyes on his hands.

"And then there is this implication of complete innocence where I'm concerned. Apparently I come off asexual and virginal to any woman in a 100 mile radius. Does it fail to reach everyone's notice that I'm a grown man with adult parts and adult thoughts? Just because I don't imply that I'm thinking about sex and I don't tell everyone when I have sex doesn't mean it doesn't happen." He realized he was ranting but he was beyond being able to stop himself. "So you tell me, Emily. What do I have to do? Would it be somehow simpler if I brought a resume when I go on a date listing every sexual experience I've ever had to prove that I have in fact seen a woman naked? Are assholes more attractive and being a nice guy isn't going to get me anywhere? Does being a genius mean I'm doomed to be alone and celibate for the rest of my life? Or am I novelty item because everyone seems to want to fuck a socially awkward virginal genius but no one seems to want to be with one?" Wow, he had been holding that in for a while. When he finally looked up Emily was looking at the table blushing. "Is that how you see me, Emily?" She looked up at him with weary eyes and they didn't make him feel better. "I'm adorable like a kid or a puppy. That's how you see me right?"

"You're drunk." She accused shaking her head.

"Not even close…well close but not quite." He replied keeping his eyes focused on her. "You can be honest with me. I can take it. That's how you see me, right?" He didn't fail to realize that his voice was getting higher and more frantic. He knew what she was going to say even if it was the last thing he wanted to hear.

"No." Emily responded quietly looking away.

"Then what do you see?"

"I'll tell you when you're sober."

"I'm not drunk. I'm frustrated, and lonely, and terrified. But I'm not drunk. So just tell me."

"I know that one day you're going to find a girl who sees how amazing and cute and sweet you are. And she is going to be one lucky girl and she will want you just as much as you want her." She wouldn't look at him and he was sure he knew why. Everything he'd said was what Emily thought of him.

"Puppies are cute, Emily. I'm a grown man. I know that women don't think of me as manly. I don't have the traits necessary considered sexy and I'm not an alpha male. Is it wrong to want to be thought of that way?"

"Reid, you are all those things."

"You can't say things like that and date guys like Mick Rawson. He's everything I'm not, so he will always get the girl."

"You're not the only one feeling lonely and hopeless. You went out with Christy Shannon!" Now she sounded defensive. "The only reason you went out with her is because she was blonde and leggy with big tits. So, yes, Reid you really are just like any other man. You think with your dick."

"Do you really think that little of me? I went out with her because Morgan talked a hole in my head until I did. Mick Rawson isn't good enough for you Emily. Honestly, I'm not sure anyone is because I know I'm not." He was drunk. That's why he couldn't shut up. That had to be it right?

"And I'm not blonde and leggy."

"Who said you had to be, you're perfect." With that he downed his brandy and got up. He put money on the table for his drinks without looking up. "As much as I may not want to I have to accept that I'm just not good enough." Somehow he managed to stare at his shoes the whole way out of the bar. He was outside calling a cab when Emily came running out of the bar. She grabbed his jacket and pushed him back to the wall. He looked up at her startled before noticing the emotion in her eyes.

"You are the sexiest most difficult man I've ever met." And then she kissed him. She kissed him like a woman on a mission with something to prove. Her arms wrapped around his neck bringing her body so amazingly close to his. Emily's fingers tangled in his hair and scratched his scalp sending shivers down his spine. Her lips were soft but insistent like she desperately needed to probe a point. She kissed like he was air and she'd been holding her breath forever. His arms wrapped around her on their own accord, his hand slipping into her silky hair. She moaned when he brushed his tongue against hers and melted into him. When she pulled away her lips were a little swollen and her skin was flushed. There was lust and desire swimming in her shining dark eyes. "And I wouldn't change a damn thing about you. Pick me up tomorrow at eight?" Reid just nodded not trusting his voice. "And you should really get angry more often, it's pretty damn hot."

A smile spread across Reid's face as he watched her walk back into the bar. Maybe his luck was changing.

After all, he had a date with the girl of his dreams.

_"And I'm running to you baby. You are the only one who saved me. That's why I've been missing you lately. You make it real for me..."_


	3. Never Gonna Leave This Bed

**A/N: Okay so here's another chapter. I'm glad you guys like what I've written so far. This is my therapy these days. This isn't really graphic but I'll say it's rated M. Never Gonna Leave This Bed is a song by Maroon 5. Read and enjoy. Reviews are love.**

_"You push me, I don't have the strength to resist or control you. So take me down, take me down. You hurt me, but do I deserve this? You make me so nervous. Calm me down, calm me down..."_

She didn't know what possessed her to go but she needed to see him all of a sudden. She wasn't supposed to see him, he thought she was dead. It was stupid and she knew it but she wasn't asleep. She couldn't sleep because when she closed her eyes he was all she saw. She was supposed to stay in Connecticut but she was cold without him. No one else knew about what they had started before Doyle showed up. He'd become everything she ever needed and she was just supposed to let him go. She'd lay awake at night hoping there wasn't some other girl keeping him warm all night. Dr. Spencer Reid was supposed to be hers. She'd waited years and finally he'd looked at her the way she'd always dreamed he would.

She'd done her best to let go. She'd gone out with other guys but they weren't him. They didn't spout off random facts and statistics. They didn't smile like him or have his dimples. They didn't have warm caramel eyes that seemed to see straight through her. They didn't smell like coffee, something woodsy, old books, and vanilla. He smelled like home. She couldn't help thinking about the first night he'd made love to her in her living room beside the fireplace. Stuff like that never happened to her. He was so in tuned to her needs, he was passionate and loving. She remembered the feel of his long graceful fingers on her and inside her. The thought sent a cascading shiver down her spine and peppered goose bumps on her arms. She bit down on her lip in hopes of clearing her head. Before she'd really made the conscious decision to see him she was in her car heading south.

She didn't stop to think that maybe she should go back to where she was supposed to be. She needed to feel his arms around her body again. She was supposed to forget about him but there were no other guys that would compare to him. He was sweet and generous. He made her feel like she was special and no other guy had ever done that for her. He listened to her secrets and she kept his. That's what you do when you love someone. You hold their secrets as close as you hold your own.

She'd watched him grow from a nervous kid to a strong sexy man. Spencer didn't wear his strength like other men did. He didn't have to strut around with his nose in the air because he was smarter than just about anyone in the room. He didn't have to prove that he could take care of himself; he'd been doing since he was 10 years old. He never once complained, he just did what he had to do. His life had been hard and he'd been battle tasted. His eyes held a war weary stony kind of wisdom normally seen in men twice his age. His strength was in his eyes and his statistics. He could tell you anything you needed to know, half the time you didn't even have to ask.

People underestimated him at every turn and he let them. When he needed to prove it he did, every time. There was nothing but confidence in him now. There was still a touch of the nerdy, awkward kid he used to be but he wore it with pride. He could walk into a room and change your mind. He'd filled out mentally and physically, a result of battle and injury. Who couldn't love a man like that? Who couldn't accept a man that would stand by their side to the end of the world and love you forever? He was the most amazing man she'd ever had the pleasure of meeting.

When she pulled up outside his house she felt like an idiot. She was supposed to be dead, Emily Prentiss was dead. But here she was risking her life and his just to see him. _Here I am getting all messed up by fucking fireside_ she thought to herself remembering the lyrics to a Joss Stone song. She all but broke in but she knew his alarm code and where he kept a spare key. He'd cleverly hidden behind the air conditioning unit outside. She walked in to his pitch black house and walked around taking in the smells of the house; old books, coffee, the subtle scent of vanilla that always clung to Spencer, and home cooking.

She hadn't stopped to think he might not be home, she realized once she was inside that she hadn't seen his car. That didn't stop her from looking around. It was almost three o'clock in the morning and there was freshly brewed coffee. She cocked her head to the side and examined the kitchen. There was food –which smelled delicious by the way- on the stove. She inhaled deeply and peaked in the large pot, the smell of spices, meat, seafood, and fresh baked bread wrapped around her and warmed her. He'd perfected the gumbo recipe he'd been working on since the last time Ethan visited him.

Someone had to be in the house. It was so quiet; she guessed he was probably upstairs. She climbed up the stairs careful of the fourth from the top that tended to creak rather loudly. When she got to the top of the stairs something dark bolted out of the bedroom and rubbed up against her legs. A soft purr reached her ears before she leaned down and scooped up Sergio. Spencer had adopted her cat. Of all the things on her mind, that brought tears to her eyes. She gave her cat a gentle scratch behind the ears as she moved toward the bedroom.

She was afraid he would freak out and run screaming from the room. How would he react knowing that she had let him believe she was dead? She could argue that it was simply to keep him safe but it probably wouldn't get her the one she thing wanted. She wanted to be in his arms. She wanted him to hold her and make love to her like he had before. Not even the thunderous tap of rain on the house helped to calm her sudden nerves.

She couldn't help thinking she should have thought this through. She should have reconsidered. Spending another night alone wouldn't have killed her but this actually could. The butterflies appeared full force making her hart hammer against her ribs painfully at a rhythm sure to kill her. Sergio must have had enough because he wiggled to get down before she could enter the bedroom. The bedside light was on but Spencer wasn't in bed. His dark blue sheets were mussed as though he'd had a nightmare and the grey and cream comforter was on the floor. The room smelled like his aftershave and his almond mint shampoo. She was too preoccupied with things on his dresser and searching for her favorite t-shirt of his to hear him behind her.

"Don't move." He rumbled calmly. When she looked up at him in the mirror she noticed that he had a gun pointed between her shoulders. She also noticed that the gun he was holding didn't look like his revolver. Was it wrong to think of how hot and bad ass he looked like that? She had her hood up so he couldn't really see her face so he didn't lower the gun. "I don't know who are you are or how you got in. Put your hands behind your head, slowly." She did as he said smiling at how much he suddenly sounded like Morgan. She let her eyes move down his body. He was fresh out of the shower wearing nothing but pajama bottoms. She'd almost forgot how good he looked that way.

"Don't shoot." She said quietly, her voice shaky and breathless. She saw the recognition in his eyes even in the mirror. His stance faltered for a second. Emily let her eyes drift down his slender body. He'd gotten into exercising after physical therapy and it showed in definition in his chest and stomach. There was water still clinging onto his skin and his hair was hanging around his face.

"Turn around." His voice lost some of its calm edge but the gun was still pointed at her. As she turned to him she pushed her hood down allowing her hair to fall out of the hood and down her shoulders. He gasped and took an involuntary step back keeping the gun trained on her.

"Hey Spence." She said softly. Her eyes went blurry with tears and he slowly lowered the gun. He took a step forward, it was tentative and nervous, keeping the gun clutched in his palm. His eyes moved over her filled with pure disbelief.

"They… JJ told us…I knew it didn't…" he didn't finish, he just swallowed so loud she could practically feel it. A few steps more and he was there, in front of her, looking down at her with unrelenting intensity. She could feel the heat pouring off of him along with the scent of his shampoo and body wash. He reached out and touched her; his hand pressing to her cheek. Without trying she pressed her face into his hand inhaling deeply. God, how she'd missed him. Her eyes fell closed pushing the tears gathered in her eyes down her cheeks. "Are you real?"

"I shouldn't be here but I couldn't stay away. I've missed you so much, Spencer." She was afraid to touch him now. How was she supposed to be in his arms and walk away again? The tears that she'd been holding back for the entire five months she'd been gone and the painful time before fell freely. She finally got the message to her hands to reach out and touch him. Her fingers met his skin keeping her touches feather light. "I can't stay. I know there is a long conversation we need to have but for now I just need to be close to you. Can you just…be mad at me tomorrow?" her palms moved down his stomach and hips and her thoughts took a decidedly erotic turn.

"Look at me, Em." He commanded his voice sending a very pleasant tingle through her body. She opened her eyes and met his. There was confusion and sadness there and a single tear escaped his eye. Emily reached up and swept it away caressing his cheek sighing when his lips brushed her wrist. It was too intimate a gesture and it made her knees weak. She felt it when he pulled the zipper of her coat asking permission with his eyes.

"Yes, please." She whispered so softly it was barely audible. Her mind was suddenly worried with things like the kind of underwear she was wearing and if she smelled okay. She was wearing a rain jacket in August. Did she really want to stop him to take a shower? His fingers brushed her chest above her tank top and her breath caught in her throat. She just about completely lost her train of thought. As he pulled the zipper further down it took her a few times to finally get words to come out of her mouth. Her tongue suddenly felt heavy and her mouth was bone dry. "C- Can I use your shower?" She hadn't realized the change in her body language but she could tell by the way he stepped away that he had. Her hands were braced on his dresser and her knuckles were white. With every breathe Emily took her chest heaved and she could feel the heat creeping up her neck and flooding her cheeks.

"Of course, you still have stuff in the bathroom. I couldn't…I didn't have the strength to get rid of it." He replied almost sheepishly his voice breaking somewhere in the middle. His head dipped down as he spoke his bangs falling down over his voice. He took a deep breath and it moved through his whole body like a bird settling its feathers. It was then that she noticed the gun was still in his hand. It was her gun. It brought a smile to her face and broke her heart at the same time.

"I'm so sorry, Spencer. Coming here was so selfish, I should have thought about what this would do to you. I'm so sorry. I'm causing you more pain. I should just…" she couldn't finish whatever she was about to say because he'd apparently had enough. In less time than it took to breath or blink she was swept up into his arms and kissed within an inch of her life. One hand tangled itself in her hair while his other arm wrapped around her waist dragging her to his body. He claimed her using her gasp of surprise as an invitation to taste ever inch of her mouth. When things first started with them, slowly but surely after Haley died, she'd found a whole new side of him. He could be the most gently lover in the world but he had no problem with being dominant. When he finally pulled away she was clinging to him like her survival depended on it. "Shutting up now." She whispered breathlessly.

"Go shower. I need coffee."

* * *

><p>She tried taking an ice cold shower in the hopes that it would calm her down. No such luck. She was so on edge she almost couldn't think straight. <em>How did I even get here<em> she thought to herself? Her hands were shaking and she was breathing like she was already in the throes of passion and he'd barely touched her. Why couldn't she think straight around him?

When she climbed out of the shower she looked at herself in the mirror, her final attempt at calming herself down. It didn't work at all. Her skin was flushed and her eyes looked wild. She couldn't remember ever feeling like this about a man.

She pulled on his t-shirt and stepped out of the bathroom. It would have been exponentially easier to just pace until he came back but he was sitting on the bed waiting for her. Still shirtless and still gorgeous. His hair was drying in subtle curls, but the length made it look more like waves. He looked back up at her and she noticed his red eyes. He sniffled and did his best to make it look like he wasn't as upset as he was. He snorted when he saw her.

"You always did look better in my clothes than me." Her feet carried her to him even though her mind told her to stay where she was. She stood between his legs and did her best not to shiver when his hands landed on her hips. Every part of her wanted to surge forward and climb on top of him but she held still. Her needs weren't the only ones that mattered; they weren't even the most important at the moment.

"I think you fill them out pretty well, Spence." His arms wrapped around her waist as he pulled her closer. Emily let her fingers slide into his hair and relaxed in the embrace. "I'm real."

"I know why you're here, Em." Before she could respond he lifted her off her feet and laid her on his bed. His lips met hers in a slow possessive kiss that she felt all the way to her toes. She wanted to say she wasn't there for that but she knew it wasn't completely true. She'd missed him, that's why she was there, but it wasn't the only reason. His hand slipped under her t-shirt and ran up her stomach to her ribs. Goose bumps appeared in his wake making her breath heavier and thicker. When he pulled away the look in his eyes was intense and it made her shiver. There were always such dangerous things in his eyes. She often wondered why no one else saw it.

"I'm sorry." She whispered breathlessly. He didn't respond, he just raised the t-shirt and peppered kisses over the newly bared flesh. Emily couldn't stop her eyes from fluttering shut and the whimper escaped her on its own. The shirt came off and his pants disappeared in frantic fashion. He was everywhere but that's how it always was. She couldn't think of anything but what he was doing to her. His hands moved over body with practiced ease and his mouth did things to her that he couldn't talk about without blushing. He worshiped her, every part of her body got the best care and attention he could give.

It was when he pushed inside her that her world clicked into place. In that moment all that mattered was how he looked at her. Crazed killers were hunting her down and the world was waiting for them outside. But in that moment they were alone. Every surge of his hips and touch of his hand brought them closer to where they both wanted to be. Home. Heaven was his fingers in her hair and his lips and teeth against her neck. Peace was feeling his body fill hers till she was sure she would explode. He was a part of her in every way that mattered. He was pure muscle and force and passion. She was a willing participant but it was his show.

Soft sighs and moans spoke volumes that words never could. She could tell him she loved him and that she needed him but he knew that. She could feel every ounce of his love, need, and sorrow with every rock and thrust of his hips. On the edge of falling apart she curled her fingers in her hair and dragged his mouth to hers. His fingers twined with hers pressing it to the bed as the other held her close. When she fell into bliss she made sure to pull him down with her. She left marks on his shoulders with her nails and he left one on her shoulder with his teeth. It was territorial, they both knew it. When they came down he tucked her body against hers pulling the cover over them.

She didn't know where they came from but the tears came in full force. Her body shook with sobs as she clung to him, her life preserver. Spencer embodied everything home was to her. He held her while she cried and whispered promises neither of them were sure he could keep.

She wasn't sure when they fell asleep but Spencer's alarm clock woke them up. She watched him pull himself out of bed only to call out from work and climb back in. They spent the day together. In the house they could act like it wasn't coming to an end but they both knew it was. Night fall came soon enough and they were back in bed. She was again wrapped around him afraid to let go.

"I don't want to go." She said quietly her face buried in his neck. He stroked her back and kissed her shoulder.

"And I don't want you to go. But you're not safe here. I can't…I want to protect you." She pulled away and met his gaze. She reached up caressing his cheek and tracing the beautiful lines of his face.

"It's my mess. I have to protect you. For that reason I have to ask you to do something I know you don't want to do. You can't tell them, Spence. They'll come looking for me." He looked away biting into his lip. She caught the tear before it could slide down his cheek.

"I lost you once, I won't survive it again." His voice cracked as he spoke before he buried his face in his hair.

"This is the only way. If you tell anyone they'll tell the others. I can tell you that JJ and Hotch know I'm alive but they don't know where I am. I've been staying in…" he stopped her with a finger on her lips. When he pulled his hand away he kissed her. She hated that it felt like goodbye.

"If you tell me, I'll find you. Promise me you'll come back."

"I promise, one way or another, I will find my way back to you." Silence hung between them as they got up and got dressed. He walked her to the door and kissed her like he was never going to see her again. "I love you, so much. Don't forget about me, okay?"

"Eidetic memory, Emily, you'll be up here forever." He said bringing her hand up with his to tap his head. He shoved something in her hand and gave her a sad smile. "Look at it when you're on the road." It took everything she had to leave. She couldn't look back because if she did she would never leave.

It was when she was almost home with puffy red eyes that she realized something. Things were about to get a whole hell of a lot more complicated. There were three things hit her all at once. One, she was being followed but that she was ready for. Two, Spencer left her a note telling her about the car following her telling her to stay alive because help was on the way. And three, she couldn't remember the last time she'd taken her birth control.

Thank God for the cavalry.

_"Wake you up in the middle of the night to say I'll never walk away again. I'm never gonna leave this bed..."_


	4. Teach U A Lesson

**A/N: Okay so this one is considerably more graphic. It's more verbally graphic than physically...if that makes sense. It's more talking than doing. Either way it's rated M. I'm not going to change the rating because the next one won't be this way. i might change my mind so i don't know. I hope you like it. It's a little dirty. I meant to say this before but if you think I own any part of Criminal Minds it's time to start medicating yourself. They wouldn't even let me borrow MGG. Teach U A Lesson is a song by Robin Thicke and it's a really sexy song. I'm working on another one, it might be done before the night is over.**

_**"**You can call me professor, but baby you broke the rules. You won't get the grade you want unless you stay after school..."_

She was trying to kill him, Reid was almost sure of it. But he could think of much worse and more painful ways to die. Death by the world's most consistent seduction from the woman he was just happy he got to touch. She was killing him in the softest and sexiest way possible.

He'd caught anthrax and then he was shot in the knee. Those had scared him. But the new Emily Prentiss scared him more. She was on a mission to destroy every last brain cell he had left.  
>In front of everyone else she was normal and on cases she was almost always professional. Almost. It was when she thought no one was around that was slowly driving him crazy.<p>

She'd lean over his shoulder, under the guise of looking at a file, and brush her lips over his neck. He was on crutches so he couldn't move away. All he could do was whimper her name and squeak helplessly. She would press kisses under his ear. Once she even sucked on that spot knowing what it did to him. No matter what she wanted he would willingly give it to her if she so much as brushed that spot with her fingers.

She would touch him, under the ruse of helping him navigate on crutches, and pretty much feel him up. She pinched his ass in the elevator on the way to work. She'd brush up against him in the break room pressing her breasts against his back or reach around him and rub her hand slowly down his chest and stomach. The worst was when she slipped her hand below his belt while he was trying to make coffee and not fall on the ass she pinched before walking away.

No one seemed to notice that he was always blushing and she was always grinning. During a long case, and Hotch's absence, they were alone in a conference room with one window. They could see the bullpen but the door was closed. He was tired and his knee was hurting. Not to mention his under arms from moving around on crutches. He closed his eyes and rubbed his neck in a failed attempt to relieve the tension in his shoulders.

He was normally so hyper aware of where she was in relation to him but his guard was down. Her hands wrapped around his tense shoulder kneading and pressing. He moaned letting his head fall back against her belly.

"Wow, you're so tense." Emily noted innocently. She was good at sounding completely oblivious to what she was doing to him but her eyes always gave her away. To him at least, no one else seemed to notice the mirth and mischief in her eyes.

"I wonder why." Reid replied sarcastically. "You know, if you really want to kill me, there are easier and quicker ways to go about it."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Reid snorted, of course she didn't.

"You are many things, Em. Innocent is hardly one of them." Instead of responding she dug her thumbs into a knot between his shoulders just about derailing his entire train of thought. "Just remember, like you always tell me, payback is a bitch."

"I can't help it, I'm a newlywed, and I have the hottest husband in the world. I can't tell anyone but I'm almost sure some of them know. Morgan's been looking at as funny."

"That's because you molested me in the break room. He saw me blushing and you grinning. He put two and two together. I can't throw you down on a hard surface and have my way with you in front of the entire team so please stop teasing me."

"But it's so much fun, babe. I rile you up at work and then you're all over me when we get home." As she spoke her fingers slid up into his hair scratching his scalp. Without warning she gave it a sharp tug as she leaned down and sucked on the spot behind his ear. A yelp that quickly turned into a groan escaped him as her hands slid down his chest and stomach.

"You really are trying to kill me. Between this and devoting time to teaching me how to talk dirty I think you enjoy seeing me blush." Emily ran her tongue up his neck smiling against his skin when he shivered.

"Oh you have no idea. I have to get my teasing in before you can chase me. Now, my love, I'm going to get us some coffee." She gave him one last kiss behind his ear and moved to walk away. He managed a playful slap on her rear without falling out of his chair. And she just sashayed out of the room with a very sexy sway to her hips. He would get her back, but he had to bide his time.

It wasn't until two months later when he was finally able to get her back. He'd been planning it since they got back from their last case, Emily was sure of it. She'd seen the way his eyes lit up when he found out she had a meeting and she would be wearing a skirt. It was a rarity in the office so she was sure he was going to try something. He'd joined on their dangerous little game but he wasn't giving her any clues. So she decided to tease them out of him. She'd grabbed his ass in the elevator making him yelp. He had no idea how sexy she thought that was. Emily was enjoying what she did to him. She got a text message asking her to meet him in hallway near the file room to talk to her. She assumed she was in trouble and he was once again going to fuss at her about teasing him.

When she got there he was nowhere to be found. She took a deep breath and walked further down the hall to see if she could see him around the corner. She was on her way past the file room when Spencer grabbed her arm and hauled her through the door. The bastard knew it would scare her but before she could speak he had her pressed to the wall as he kissed her senseless. His fingers skimmed across her belly pooling heat in her abdomen. She pulled away to breathe feeling his fingers move lower. She caught his hand to stop him until he kissed her again his other hand brushing over breast. His thumb circled her hardened nipple through layers of fabric that didn't make the caress any less effective. A whimper escaped her as his long fingers slowly pulled her pencil skirt up her thigh. His nails gently scrapped her skin above her stockings. His fingers slid between her legs brushing against lace panties. "Spencer, we shouldn't be doing this. We have a case." She panted her hands balled in his shirt. He pushed her panties aside sliding his fingers over her clit. She just about lost her balance. He kissed her again just as two fingers slid inside her.

"You're saying we shouldn't but you're so wet." He whispered in her ear pumping his long digits in and out of her core his palm brushing her tight bundle of nerves. "I wish I could bend you over your desk and plunge my cock deep inside you. You're always so tight and wet." He kissed and nipped at her pulse point before soothing it with his tongue. He was driving her crazy."But before I could do that I would want to taste you first. I know how much you like it when I flick my tongue against your clit with my fingers buried deep inside you. You would like that, wouldn't you Dolcezza?" He was the only person she let call her that. He made it a point to call her by her that during times like this.

"Yes," She whispered as his thumb pressed into her clit rubbing it in slow circles. His fingers pumped into her harder and faster. She could feel the pressure building in her stomach as she clutched at him helplessly.

"You are the only woman I've been with that likes it when I pump my cock in and out of her mouth like I would her body. You get so wet when I hold on to your hair and push my cock deep into your hot wet mouth." His words made her shiver as he whispered huskily into her ear.

"Oh God, Spencer don't stop. I'm so close."

"That's what I want, come for me, Dolcezza. I love the way you look when you lose control. It makes me so hard hearing you say my name the way you do." She moved his shirt out of the way and bit down on his shoulder just as the bubble burst and her muscles tightened and fluttered. He groaned pressing her harder into the wall. She wanted to scream but she couldn't where they were. "That's it baby, let go. I got you." He whispered softly brushing his thumb over cheek. She looked up at him just in time to see him stick his fingers in his mouth and suck on them. "Mmm, you taste so good." Emily shivered and bit back a moan.

"You're trying to kill me aren't you?" Her heart fluttered in her chest when she met his molten chocolate eyes. He leaned down and captured her lips. She groaned tasting herself on his tongue mixed with coffee. He pulled away kissing her cheek, below her ear, her neck, and her shoulder. "You really are tryin to kill me."

"No, I'm trying to pay you back for the months of torture you submitted me to. I had to teach you a lesson. Plus you look really sexy in that skirt."

"So, that time I spent teaching you to talk that way paid off. And you didn't even blush."

"Oh I did, you were just too lost in what else I was doing to notice. My face is practically on fire, but it got the desired result." She smiled as brushed her fingers over the imprint of his wedding ring under his shirt letting her other hand slide into his hair. She pulled him down for another slow passionate kiss. When she pulled away she gasped feeling his fingers against her back under her shirt.

"Hey, will you behave. We have a case. We have to go or do you want to explain to Hotch that we're breaking the one rule he gave us?" he pulled away raising his hands in defeat. After her clothes were all tucked and fixed she pulled him down and kissed him again. She rubbed the spot his chest where she knew his _Sono Amato _tattoo was. They got them a week after their wedding. It's _I am loved _in Italian. Hers was on her right hip and his was along his ribs on his left side under his pectoral (his word, not hers. She said it was about an inch and a half under his nipple). "Ti amo." She said rubbing her fingers against that spot. He reached down and rubbed the spot where her tattoo was.

"Ti amo." She couldn't leave without smacking her husband on the ass at least one more time. "Emily!" He yelped and she grinned.

"You shouldn't be so hot. Now let's go before Morgan comes looking for us." She didn't get out the door before he hit her back. Instead of chasing him she just smiled. She was such a lucky girl, she got to watch him walk away.

_"You've been a bad girl. Someone's gonna have to straighten you right out. You've been a bad girl, someone's gonna have to teach u..."_


	5. On Our Way

**A/N: So this one is more about friendship than romance. I wanted to do something where Reid actually acknowledges his addiction to one of his teammates and I thought Emily should be that one. This one isn't even rated T it's more like K. On Our Way is a song by Christina Aguilera and I thought it suited them perfectly. Enjoy.**

_"Me and you, we're different. Don't always see eye to eye. You go left and I go right, and sometimes we even fight. That don't me and that I won't need a friend. You and me, we're in this to the end..."_

Step nine, probably the most difficult one for Dr. Spencer Reid. He couldn't really bring his addiction up to the people he worked with. The sad thing was they were the ones that deserved the apology the most. There was one he couldn't just decide not to do. He had to make amends to Emily. He'd been horrible to her and all she wanted was to be his friend. He never even gave her a chance. He'd actually liked her from the beginning but then Georgia happened.

It took him a year to have the balls to do it. He was terrified though. She could decide she didn't want to forgive him. He doubted she would do that but anything was possible. He wanted to apologize to everyone but Emily got the worst of it. She called him out, something that should have made him see her as a real friend, and in his addicted state it made him angry. He wished he could say it was the drugs talking but that was him.

He made his bed and now he had to lie in it…even though he really hated that analogy. Most people make their beds to lie in them. Why else would you make a bed? Either way, he had to go through with it. No matter how many times he chickened out or they were called on the case when they were supposed to get together. He had to apologize to her. She deserved that much.

If Reid was her he would hate himself. There was nothing redeemable about their situation, he'd been a jerk. There were no excuses and there was no reason for her to forgive him. She'd been nice to him since he stopped biting her head off every time she spoke. She even agreed to hang out with him a couple of times. Those would be the many times he chickened out.

So in order to stop himself from doing it again, he told her he had something he wanted to talk to her about. He asked her if she would meet him at one of his favorite restaurants and she agreed. Shortly after he asked her he just about had a panic attack. There was a part of him that thought she would tell Strauss but he quickly told that part to shut the hell up. It took him almost a year after he started the steps to finally do this. He couldn't talk himself out of it now.

It seemed as though the work day went by too quickly because of what he had to do. Any other time it went by super slow but when he looked up it was time for him to go. He took a deep breath and took himself home. He'd never put so much thought into his what he wore but it was of utmost importance all of a sudden. He knew it was because he was nervous and he was stalling. She would be waiting for him, the least he could do for her was be there on time. So he showered, wrestled his hair into submission, shaved, brushed his teeth, and got dressed all with his hands shaking.

It felt like he was going on a blind date. He was going but he wasn't particularly happy about it. It wasn't Emily; it was what he had to do. She deserved an apology and he needed to do it. So why was he having trouble with every step in this particular process. His sponsor was proud of him. John knew how important this was to him. In order to take the next step in his recovery he needed to do it.

When he got to the restaurant he expected to be late but he was actually 15 minutes early. He stood outside in the cool air and waited for her. It gave him time to do complicated math in his head to calm himself down. He didn't know why he was making such a big deal out of this. It was just an apology. He'd made one of those before. He knew the mechanics of it. He didn't even have to mention why he was making amends. He didn't want to think about highway it was so important to talk to Emily. And then she came around the corner.

She was smiling at him and for some reason that made him feel a little better. They sat at their table and talked about random things, the last case they were on, whether or not Morgan had children he didn't know about somewhere. The conversation made him a little more comfortable. After they were finished eating she fell silent and he didn't speak for a while. He was on the verge of chickening out again. Just as he thought about she reached out and touched his hand curling her fingers around hers.

"You know you can tell me anything right? What we talk about stays between me and you." He smiled and held onto her hand for strength.

"Are you familiar with the 12 step program?" She nodded without speaking. "I keep getting stuck on number nine. There are so many people I can't even bring this up to but I know I can trust you. And it's amazing because if there is anyone that truly deserves an apology, it's you Emily."

"Reid, you don't have to…" He didn't let her finish. He had to do this and she was trying to give him an out.

"Yes I do. When Gideon left you were the only one that really tried to help me through it. I was horrible to you Emily and I am so sorry. I had a problem and I was content to pretend it didn't exist for a while. You where the only one that called me out. I should have thanked you but instead I yelled at you and disrespected you. I'm so sorry for how I treated you." He paused for a breath and she tried to give him another out.

"Reid its okay…" He didn't miss her eye roll when he cut her off again.

"It's not. Gideon walked away and everyone else pretended they didn't see it. You were the only one who acknowledged that something was wrong. After Georgia, I couldn't tell up from down. You are one of the few people who actually listen to me when I talk. You've become one of my closest friends and I hope you can forgive me."

"If you would let me speak I would tell you that I already have. I understood you were going through a lot. And while it hurt then I forgave you when you started talking to me without the frost. I'm here for you." She said squeezing his hand. She didn't let go and neither did he.

"I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you didn't belong with the team. As horrible as it is to say, you were the easiest target. But Morgan has since taught me something that I'll never forget."

"Uh oh. What's that?" He smiled at the worried expression on her face.

"Never piss off a woman with a gun." She laughed out loud making a few people turn and look at her before she got it under control.

"I think that's amazing advice."

The rest of the night went on in companionable warmth. He figured out that Emily really was a nerd and he was happy she didn't mind sharing that with him. They ended up at his place playing chess and talking about whatever came up. Spencer Reid had been alone most of his life but now he had something he'd only had a glimpse of before. A best friend.

_"Together, we'll weather many storms as family. That bond is forever, it can take almost anything. The love I feel for you grows every day. The more we get to learn from our mistakes. I think we're on our way..."_


	6. Use Somebody

**A/N: Hello again my lovelies. Here is the next chapter. I'm sorry to say that they won't be coming in as quickly now that I've started school but they'll probably come in pairs and sets now. Use Somebody is a song by Kings of Leon. I hope you like it.**

_"I was roaming around, I was looking down at all I see. Painted faces fill the places I can't reach. You know that I could use somebody..."_

He was actually cheating on her, she couldn't believe it. The son of a bitch actually had the nerve to cheat on a profiler. That took balls. What took even bigger balls was cheating on a woman who carries a pistol with the training to use it properly. That just wasn't smart.

The sad thing was she completely missed the signs. Emily had been oblivious and if it wasn't for the note left on her desk she probably would've taken months to figure it out. Mick Rawson really was everything she thought he was before she let her friends talked her into going out with him. Only one person was honest with her about him and she had bitten his head off for butting in. Now she had to tuck her tail between his legs and thank him.

He had seen signs she was too love struck to see. Love struck wasn't the right term, more like starved for attention. He'd led her to this bar to see her boyfriend all over a trainee. Instead of making a scene she just sat there with her scotch watching the cheating bastard. She was about five drinks in when he finally saw her watching.

You'd think a profiler would cover better. Instead he turned liquid paper white and nearly fell out of his chair. He pulled himself completely away from the scantily clad trainee and her girlfriends. Emily couldn't help herself, she was drunk after all, and she started laughing. She downed her sixth drink and paid her bill. He walked over to speak to her and she got up to leave. He started with "Luv, I can explain" and Emily flipped him off on the way out the door. She had made a call about three drinks earlier and she'd just received a text saying her designated driver was outside.

Reid met her outside with hands shoved in his pockets. He was standing next to a very muscular man and to Emily's surprise it didn't make him look tiny. He looked long and lean like a swimmer while the other guy was built like a linebacker.

Mick followed her and Reid grabbed her hand and pulled her protectively against his body. In her state, Emily couldn't help thinking about how nice it felt. Those thoughts were bound to get her in a world of trouble. He propelled her toward her truck with a hand on her lower back and she went stumbling all the while.

"Will you at least let me speak?" Rawson asked as Reid led her to the truck.

"Nothing to say, I should have trusted my instincts." She stopped to say something else but Reid wouldn't let her.

"Well you got what you wanted out of this, didn't you mate?" Emily wondered who he was talking to until she saw the firm set of Reid's jaw. It took her a second to realize he was angry. Pissed the fuck off would probably be the more appropriate term. His eyes were practically blazing.

"Reid?" She stopped and looked up at him.

"Where are your keys?" She handed him her keys doing her best to meet his eyes. But he wasn't looking at her; he was looking everywhere but at Emily.

"What's wrong?" He looked down at her finally and shook his head to say nothing. If she had been thinking she wouldn't have done what she did. It was a more than friendly gesture. She reached up and pushed his hair away from his face so she could look at him. She needed to see Reid all of a sudden. She felt the shiver go through him and there was unhidden want in his eyes.

"I'm fine, Emily. I just want to get you home." There was only a double meaning in her mind but she decided not to focus on that.

"I'm sorry I was such a bitch, I should have listened to you. I should have known you were just trying to protect me. You were being a good friend and I was horrible to you." Her words were slurring and her eyes were watering. Her hands were balled up in his jacket and he was holding onto her waist to steady her. She didn't want Reid angry with her.

"I'm sure that's exactly what he was being. He wanted me as far away from you as possible. Are you happy now? But let me tell you, mate, you're not much better than me." Reid stopped in his tracks and Emily could practically see the straw breaking the camel's back.

"I'm nothing like you!" He snapped turning and looking right at Mick. "Fuck off!" He helped Emily, who was very confused, into the car and closed the door. He probably thought Emily couldn't hear them but he was wrong. "It really isn't my fault you can't keep it in your pants." He snapped turning back to Rawson. Emily noticed the large tattooed man that was standing beside Reid was watching.

"You just wanted her to yourself and I was in your way. How are you any better than me?"

"If you actually made her happy I wouldn't have stayed out of it. But I heard you, Rawson! I heard how you talked about her! Did you really think I could just let that go?" Reid's voice got higher as he stepped closer to Mick.

"The rest of your team did. It was all in fun. They knew to leave it alone but you saw a way to get my girl." Emily climbed out of the truck upon hearing that.

"If you knew anything about Emily you wouldn't call her that."

"She was my girlfriend that implies some kind of ownership. We both know what you want, Dr. Reid. Being done with me doesn't mean she'll give you a ride."

"You're a Neanderthal." Reid turned to walk away and Rawson grabbed him. The larger man stepped forward and removed Mick's hand from Reid's arm. Reid waved the larger man off and moved toward Mick. "Ride or no ride, as disgusting and immature as you terminology is, she'll still end up with someone better than you. Come near her again and I'll find a way to hurt you. I may not be able to take you but Owen can." The large man grinned at Mick when he looked up at him. Reid turned to walk away and stopped when he saw Emily.

"Can we go to your place; I don't want to go home?" He looked like wanted to say something but decided against it. Instead he just nodded and helped her back into her truck.

Emily's mind was clouded by alcohol, that's the only excuse for her behavior. Reid was being an awesome guy and she was stupid. At least that's what she thought. He was telling her all the things she needed to hear even though she had treated him horribly. He should be angry with her, he should tell her how stupid she was being but he wasn't. Instead he let her bitch about how much she liked Rawson and made up his bed for her.

The truth of the matter was that after hearing what Reid had done for her she couldn't help feeling something. She wasn't sure what that something was exactly. He gave her this feeling of warmth and safety. He'd stood up for her. Normally she would be the first person to say that she could take care of herself but it was nice to have someone stand up for her. He stared down a trained sniper for her. People keep saying chivalry is dead; those people have never met Spencer Reid. Apparently, knights have traded their shining armor for cords and revolvers. As well they should, it always looked hot on Reid.

He helped her take a shower, gave her clothes, and then tucked her into his bead. Shortly after, he held her hair while she threw up. How could she have gone out with Mick Rawson when the perfect man was right in front of her? Reid fetched her water and Advil before tucking her back in his bed. It was when he was about to leave that she realized how much she wanted him to stay.

"Reid?" she called not liking how small and weak her voice sounded one bit. He stopped and turned to look at her a few feet from the door. He didn't even look frustrated with her. "Will you stay with me?" she decided that looking at him while she asked wasn't a good idea. So Emily played with the blanket and focused her attention on her fingers.

"Okay." She heard him sigh but didn't look up. He moved around the room rustling clothing until she finally looked up. He was removing clothes from the large overstuffed leather chair next to his bed. He was such a gentleman he wouldn't even sleep in a bed with her.

"Rei… Spencer," his eyes shot up to her filled with surprise at hearing her call him by his first name. "Not over there, over here with me."

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea, Emily."

"I know you won't try anything and I'll try to keep my hands to myself." She said patting the spot next to her on the bed. She could see the little war going on in his head. Part of him wanted to be in that bed with her; even drunk she could see that. But the other part was honorable and always wanted to do the honorable thing. "Please?" he took a deep breath and let it out slowly before kicking off his shoes and pulling off his shirt and sweater vest. He was about to climb in the bed in his cords. "I know you don't sleep like that. Get comfortable."

"Are you sure, I can sleep on the sofa or in the chair?" he asked holding on to his sweater vest as though it would protect him.

"Yes, I'm sure. Drunken men tell no lies, same goes for women." He nodded and walked into the bathroom. When he came back he was shirtless and clad in only blue plaid pajama pants. Had she known he was hiding a six pack under those sweater vests she would have stripped him and mounted him a long time ago?

"Is this okay?" Okay was not the word Emily would use but it would do.

"Yes, it's your house. Come on." She patted the bed again and he finally climbed in. She laid down and turning to face him. She never consciously thought about touching him but her hands had a mind of their own. She reached out and ran a hand though his hair. That same hand drifted down his neck, his chest, and down his stomach before he stopped her. She looked up at met his eyes and they had gone dark. There was a look in them that she had never seen on him and she liked it a lot. It was hungry and predatory.

"Emily," he sighed softly holding onto her hand.

"Shhh." She said softly. She pulled her hand away from his and put it on his waist. She ran her fingers over the dark hair leading into his pants before he stopped her again. She just pulled away and slid it up his back moving her body closer to him. He opened his mouth to say something but before he could she kissed him. It took him a second but he let her kiss him. She could feel it the moment his conscience kicked in. he pulled away and scrambled off the bed so fast Emily fell into his spot.

"No, not like this." He walked out of the room without another word and closed the door behind him. Emily jumped up and followed him. He was pacing in his living room running his hands through his hair anxiously.

"I'm confused; I thought this was what you wanted." She was suddenly very sober.

"No! I mean yes, but not like this." He squeaked motioning between the two of them.

"Like what?"

"I don't want a one-off that's more because you're drunk and sad and less about actually wanting to be with me. I'm not going to do that to you or me." He plopped down on his sofa looking like someone had stolen his favorite sweater.

"Did you ever stop to think that this is what I want?" She asked sitting on his coffee table.

"You're drunk, and you just caught your boyfriend cheating on you. I'm warm and safe and convenient. I understand." Emily let out a frustrated sound before standing up and pushing Reid back on the couch. She climbed on his lap and grabbed his face with both hands.

"You stood up for me. Mick Rawson could hurt you but you stood up for me. I thought you were pissed at me for calling you after I bit your head off. You were pissed at him. No one else said anything or tried to tell me he was a dog. I just realized how amazing you are and I don't want to waste anymore time looking when you're right here in front of me." She kept her eyes on his so he could see that she was serious. She leaned in and kissed him again. This time he kissed back eagerly. She wanted to go further but he stopped her.

"If you really want me, you'll still want me in the morning." Emily rolled her eyes but nodded and stood up. She reached out her hand and smiled waiting for him to take it.

It was when she was curled against him in bed that she let herself smile for a different reason. She could wish all day that she had never met Mick Rawson but then she wouldn't be in bed with Spencer Reid. She fell into a deep peaceful sleep pressing her face against his bare chest. She woke up before him and basked in the warm fresh scent on his skin. She rolled on top of him and pressed soft open mouthed kisses down his neck and chest. Spencer sighed shifting as he woke up. His hand found its way to Emily's hair making her smile against his skin.

"Em, what are you doing?" His voice was husky from sleep but it made her shiver. Emily moved up his body and kissed him. It didn't take long for him to kiss her back. She felt that kiss all over her body. When he pulled away she was breathless and blushing. Who knew he could kiss like that?

"I'm saying good morning, Doctor. I told you, I want you."

"Show me." And she did, all day long. It was one happy Saturday.

_"Someone like you and all you know and how you lovers under cover of the street. You know that I could use somebody. You know that I could use somebody. Someone like you...  
><em>


	7. More of You

**A/N: More of You is a song by Mozella. Enjoy!**

_"So it goes without saying, that I'm hooked on you. And by now, I'm out of my mind with this self abuse. I guess I should have looked out for myself. I guess that I could have found someone else. But I never knew anyone, whose loving made me so damn crazy..."_

She wasn't this kind of girl. She had never been this kind of girl. If Emily Prentiss was anything she was strong and independent. She wasn't the type of women who could be comfortable with a guy taking over every aspect of her life. But she was practically begging him to do just that. He wasn't the one everyone would expect; in fact it had been jealousy that had finally made him move. He had never been a jealous man; he could handle not being enough because in his past he never was. People hurt him left and right. But when it had come down to losing her to a man he deemed inadequate he set his mind to changing hers. It wasn't subtle, what he did, by that point he had lost his patience with subtle. His words echoed in her ears as she pretended to work. As always she couldn't think of anything but him.

She remembered the predatory glint in his eye as he'd advanced on her. She'd never seen that look on him before. It had seemed out of place then, on his beautiful angelic face, but now she dreamed about it. He told her to tell him to stop as he pulled off his belt placing his gun on her kitchen counter next to hers. She had every intention of doing just that but the words never came out. Instead she just backed up and stared at him till she met the wall. He told her to really think about what she wanted as he shucked his vest and unbuttoned his white shirt. She remembered thinking he wore too many layers. It would have driven her crazy to undress him. She tried not to notice the dramatic change in her thinking.

There had been no apprehension in his face, just seductive determination. He told her that he was tired of waiting for her to get how much he wanted her, wanted to be with her, and be the guy she needed as he removed the thin white t-shirt he was still wearing. Her eyes had taken in every inch of delicious skin, the lines of his muscles as the flexed and fluttered with the effort to go slow. By that point she just wanted him naked already. Something she hadn't even been aware that she wanted and now she was impatient waiting for it. Then as he unbuttoned his pants he said the words she couldn't forget.

"I'm in love with you. No, that's not the right word. I'm completely entranced and enchanted by you, Emily. You're all I can think about. I put that damn star puzzle together to show you just that. If it were possible I would find a falling star and give you anything else you want." He kicked off his shoes and stepped out of his pants leaving him in boxer briefs and mismatched socks. She suddenly couldn't think of anything sexier. "I tried for subtle and patient but I couldn't stand by and let the woman I need be with another man. Especially not him. So since I failed to show you just what I want before, a change in tactic is necessary." By that point he was in front of her. He pressed her against the wall and kissed her until she couldn't tell up from down. She wasn't even sure if she reached for him or if he was just close enough to make reaching unnecessary. His hands were all over her, touching, caressing, kneading, massaging. The sharp scent of mint and the heavenly scent of coffee wrapped around her. His skin was hot and soft and he was so close she could feel his heart pounding against her chest. "Just say yes, Emily. Please, just say yes." He whispered huskily against her ear.

"Yes, Spencer, yes!" Her reply was breathless and needy. Her mind had gone pleasantly blank. Only one word kept going through her mind…_more_.

He practically ripped the close off of her and she let him. As long as he kept looking at her the way he was he could do anything he wanted to her. She remembered the feel of his fingers, those long, elegant, graceful fingers, against her skin. His touch was magical. She didn't think there was another way to describe it. He was just magic. He sent fire coursing through her veins and tingles all over her skin. Her senses were on overload and she was practically drowning in sensation. But she didn't want to stop. Honestly, she never wanted to stop.

He took her right there, against the wall, by the window. She had begged him to telling him how much she wanted and needed him. The moment he pushed inside her she lost control. He filled her in ways that other men never had, it was overwhelming. Their first time wasn't soft or slow. It was passionate, bordering on rough. It was consuming and desperate and needy. She'd left marks on him; nail prints and scratches on his back, a hickey on his neck, a bite mark against his throat. She had a hand print on her thigh and a hickey on her neck. Afterward he carried her upstairs, laid her on the bed, and slowly made love to her. That was a different monster all together. Against the wall he'd fucked her and fucked her hard. Upstairs he was slow and caring. He gave her passionate and lazy kisses holding her body against his. Every touch was electric and it sent shock waves through her. She could feel how much he loved her. It helped her realize she loved him too.

Spencer Reid had done in one night what no other man had managed to do when given years. He claimed her. She was thoroughly his in every sense of the word. She would happily surrender herself to him if he would just hold on and not let go. There were no thoughts of Mick Rawson or any other man but him. She'd fallen asleep with her body all but wrapped around his and her face buried in his neck. Lulled by his hand in her hair and the other caressing her back. She could feel his heartbeat against her hand and she remembered the warm content look in his eyes. She never wanted that look to leave.

The next morning she woke up alone. She almost thought she'd dreamed it but she could still smell him on her sheets. The smell of coffee, bacon, and biscuits made her smile. She couldn't remember the last time a man made her breakfast. She relaxed in bed and stretched smiling from ear to ear. Finally she climbed out of bed pulling on a short red nightgown with black lace around the bottom. It wasn't what she would normally wear but this wasn't a normal day. When she got down stairs he was in the kitchen in nothing but his hunter green boxer briefs and glasses. His hair was wild and tousled from her hands and all of their late night activities. She never realized how deliciously sexy that could be.

She walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She kissed his spine and smiled when a shiver went through him. He put his hands on hers and relaxed into her touch. She looked up and saw all the marks she put on him. He looked like he'd been attacked by a hungry animal. She guessed, in a way, he was. When he turned around she kissed him. He needed to know how happy she was that he was there. A soft kiss turned quickly into something more passionate. Before she really thought about it his fingers were slowly pulling the strap of her nightgown down her arm. Spencer made love to her between the coffee maker and the sink. It wasn't rough or soft. It was somewhere in the middle, both passionate and ravenous. She left new nail prints in his arms and a new bite mark on his shoulder. He didn't seem to care one way or another and Emily was unsure of when she lost control of herself. She didn't understand how she lived for so long without ever feeling the way she did right then. Making love to her best friend, it was so cliché. But she wouldn't give it up for the world.

She didn't realize that her memories were making her squirm in her seat so she kept on thinking. There was nothing more intimate then sharing breakfast with him on the kitchen floor. His knee was hurting him, she saw him wince, so she made him sit where he was. It was erotic because he was feeding her in more ways than one. She would never look at biscuits with honey again and honey will never taste as good as it did on his skin.

It was maybe a week later when Emily was at dinner with her aunt Hannah, her cousin Kendall, and her mother missing Spencer. She'd had to practically tear herself away from him. They hadn't been apart for more than a couple of hours since that first night. They made a deal that nothing changed at work. She did her best not to do anything to jeopardize his job or her own. By the time they got back to her apartment at the end of the day she was all over him. While she was at dinner, Spencer had gone to get his hair trimmed because he thought it was getting too long. It was a little past shoulders and she very much enjoyed playing with it. He wasn't chopping it all off yet, but he'd said he was close to doing just that.

She'd been late to dinner because she was having trouble leaving her apartment. Not only because of her insatiable new boyfriend but because she hadn't had to cover a hickey in years. She wasn't as good at it as she used to be and it severely limited her wardrobe choices. There was a love bite on her left breast that was a bright shade of reddish purple. It was payback for balling her hand in Spencer's hair and yanking his head back to bite him. She was fighting dirty during a mattress wrestling match. He'd latched his mouth onto her skin and wouldn't let go until she begged him to. Bedroom games had never been so much fun. Her aunt had seen her as she rushed in apologizing for being late and automatically started grinning. Her mother started to ask what kept her but her aunt waved her hand at her.  
><em><br>__"I think we can understand what kept our dear Emily. Can't you see it in her face, she's positively glowing." Emily had done her best not to blush but she failed miserably._

_"Oh, there is only one thing that makes a woman glow and blush like that. Emily has found herself a man. And that look, written all over Em's face, means she'd been getting her world rocked left and right." Kendall chimed in excitedly. She blushed again no matter how much she tried not to. It didn't help that Spence chose that moment to text her about what apartment they were spending the night in._

_"Who is this man?" Her mother said man as though it was a dirty word._

_"He's a friend." She replied doing her best not to blush more than she already had been. _They asked her a thousand questions and she gave nothing away. She didn't even answer JJ and Garcia when they asked why she was suddenly so happy. They thought it was Mick but the British profiler had a big mouth. He told them that Emily said she was well taken care of. When she told him that she was in bed wearing nothing but her midnight blue sheet and Spencer was busy dragging his fingers down her side and kissing up her spine. She should have been embarrassed but she wasn't. She endured the questions and the dirty looks from her mom. She was happy as long as she got to go home.

Three months later she still felt that way. She couldn't think of anything but him sometimes. It was hard to get work done every now and then but it was harder not to go to him after a hard case. There had been one case, where their unsub was killing couples and leaving them in their beds together. He posed them facing each other and holding hands. It made her think of him and she could see it in his face that it got to him too. She'd showed up at his room even though she wasn't supposed to. He pulled her into his arms as soon as the door was closed. They almost got caught the next morning. Morgan was on his way back from the gym when Emily was trying to sneak out of Spencer's room. She made up something about getting a coffee order and he bought it. If Morgan didn't see Spencer as the eternal kid who had no idea what to do with a woman they would have been screwed. Lucky for them, he knew absolutely nothing about their young genius or his ability to make her toes curl.

A text message pulled her out of her thoughts. She looked at the clock on her computer and realized it was lunch time. She read the message; it was from Spencer, asking her if she wanted to have lunch. She told him to meet her in the garage and gathered her things. She did her best to get out before Morgan or Garcia saw her and asked to go with. She got downstairs and Spencer was waiting for her by her car. She noticed right away that his cheeks were red. He was fidgety, playing with his hands before finally shoving them in his pockets. He didn't say anything once they were in the car. She reached over and ran a hand through his hair. When he shivered it went through his whole body and his hands tightened against his pants. Emily could practically feel the groan that escaped him; it was like feeling a purr vibrating through a cat. She was about to ask him what was wrong when he spoke first.

"Can we stop at my place?" His voice was husky and breathy. She knew that voice; it was the voice that sent shivers cascading down her spine. Part of her wanted to argue and tell him they only had an hour. But it was doable.

"Okay, baby." When they got to his place he was a man on a mission. They barely got through the door before he was on her. There was nothing soft or slow about it. She loved it when he took control. After a rather explosive ending they were half naked and panting laid out on the floor. Emily barely got the door closed before half of her shirt was open so they landed right there in the entry way. "Not that I'm complaining, but where did that come from?"

"Do you not know what you've been doing since we got to work this morning?" Emily looked at him confused raising her eyebrow. "You've been grinding yourself into your seat and biting your lip. Five separate times I looked up and you were looking at me like you were about to hop the desks to get to me." Spencer said finally catching his breath. "What have you been thinking about all day?" Emily smiled and ran a hand through his hair. She propped herself up and looked down at him.

"You, of course. This has been the most amazing three months of my life. I'm just happy. I'm sorry I've been torturing you all day."

"I'm glad that thinking about me makes you feel that way. Come on, we have to get something to eat and get back to work. We have maybe 15 minutes to do that." He kissed her long and hard before jumping up to get dressed. They made it to work with fast food in hand about three minutes late. They had a ten minute grace period so they were okay. When they got to their desks Morgan was watching Spencer.

"That's not the same shirt you had on when you left. What did you do over lunch, Pretty Boy?" Emily tried not to snort or laugh. If he only knew.

"I spilled coffee on the other one; Emily took me home so I could get another shirt." Morgan looked back and forth between the two of them. Spencer was ignoring him for the most part pretending to be wrapped up in his work. Emily looked into her coffee cup and sighed hoping they were putting on a good show. They were saved by JJ calling them into the conference room to be briefed on a case. Morgan gave up for the moment leaving the two of them to finish what they were pretending to do. They stood up at the same time and headed to the break room for coffee. They worked silently until they were sure they were alone.

"Nice save, handsome."

"I learn from the best."

_"Now I don't know where to go. Should I put an end to this show. But it's out of my hands, cause I'm at your command. So what else can I do but get some more of you..."_


	8. Hungry Eyes

**A/N: Well this chapter came along because I was watching Dirty Dancing today. I had already started it and it just sort of came together while I was watching the movie. So here it is. Hungry Eyes is a song by Eric Carmen. I hope you like it. I'm working on one that has more than one part so we'll see how it goes. **

_"I've been meaning to tell you, I've got this feeling that won't subside. I look and you and I fantasize. Darlin tonight, I've got you in my sights..."_

Emily had a plan. She'd been thinking about this plan since she'd watched Reid blush when the Madam asked him what sexual act he had in mind. She wasn't convinced that he was that innocent. He put on a good show but she wanted to know what he was like behind closed doors. The problem with her plan was that it wasn't a purely scientific plan. It wasn't just about seeking information. There were emotions involved. Whose, you ask? Emily's of course.

She wasn't sure when she started feeling the way she did but she had an idea. There was a case in Pittsburgh, where their unsub was frequenting group meetings and "helping" mourning people commit suicide against their will. Reid didn't say how he knew what he knew and if it wasn't for the guilt and fear written all over his face she wouldn't have figured it out. But she could see it and it was pretty much sealed when he looked up at her. His eyes were bare, no shield of any kind. In that moment he wasn't geeky Dr. Reid, he was just Spencer. And Emily liked Spencer a lot.

Now, if he so much as smiled at her she got butterflies and blushed. She wondered, secretly, if the good doctor knew exactly what he was doing. Every now and then his warm milk chocolate eyes would meet hers and she would swear he was looking for a reaction. He would say something to her and then he would look at her. It had been happening every once in a while after she asked him about having baby geniuses.

So her plan started with inviting him over on a regular basis. They had marathon chess and poker games, she introduced him to movies he'd never seen with sex scenes bordering on graphic to judge his reaction, and they had Star Trek marathons once a week. They spent a lot of time together so he wouldn't think of it as strange when she invited him over on a day it was pouring down raining.

She needed him to see her as a woman, not just his fellow nerd friend. He needed to know she had female parts if she was ever going to seduce him. But, as is always the case, shit happens. And when it comes to Spencer Reid, shit happens at a ridiculously high frequency rate. First he somehow managed to contract anthrax. He was in the hospital for a week and then out for two more. He came back just in time for Canada. That had been a raging shit storm of despair. Then, shortly after Canada, he got shot while he was on the phone with her.

Emily could remember how it felt when she heard the shot. Her heart stopped. She kept calling his name feeling her stomach sink a little lower when he didn't answer. Finally she hung up and called for an ambulance and backup. They didn't tell her he was okay until they got him in the ambulance. Then Morgan called to tell her that "the kid was okay, thru and thru to the knee" as though it was nothing.

It had taken everything in her to stay with Hotch and wait while Reid was alone. He got out of surgery and JJ was the first person he saw. Emily couldn't help thinking it should have been her. She went home and then talked her way back into the hospital after everyone was gone. She expected to find him in bed asleep or watching television. Instead he was sitting up in bed squeezing the stuffing out of a pillow and grinding his teeth. His skin was pale and his eyes were shut tight. Everything about him said he was in excruciating pain.

"Spencer?" She called after watching him for a few minutes. It wasn't until he looked up that she realized she was giving herself away. He was always Reid to her; she only called him Spencer in her mind and her fantasies. "How much pain are you in?"

"Enough. I thought I sent you all home." Emily dumped her bag in a chair by the bed and placed the food she'd bought for them on his tray. His eyes automatically went to the greasy bag of food. It was his favorite, bacon cheeseburger and a regular size fry from Five Guys.

"Well, that's just too damn bad. I guess I could leave you to your suffering but I'll have to take my gifts with me." Emily replied slyly.

"Are you trying to bribe me into letting you stay?" Reid asked raising his eyebrow at her. The corners of his mouth showed the beginnings of a smile.

"Well, it's not like you can physically throw me out. So, it's more like I'm trying to make my presence easier for you to accept. You can't get rid of me, hop-a-long." The whole time she was speaking she was smiling. Reid snorted and looked down at his blanket. Emily noticed the way his hands fidgeted picking with the sheets.

"I think I like Spencer better." He spoke so quietly Emily barely heard him.

"What?"

"You called me Spencer, I like the way it sounded." His eyes met hers and the butterflies came back in full force. She tried to cover up the blush that crept up her cheeks by turning to her bag.

"Well then, Spencer, let's see what else I have for you in here." She pulled out two cupcakes, one butter rum and one mocha spice. They were also favorites of his. His face lit up as much as it could with the amount of pain he was in. he adjusted in bed and hissed in pain. "Why aren't you taking anything?"

"I can't." His jaw flexed with the effort to stay calm.

"Why not?"

"I just can't!" he snapped and then sighed. "I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that."

"No, I didn't." Emily responded defensively. "There are non-narcotic pain medications, Spence. There are NSAIDs and COX-2 inhibitors you can take. You don't have to suffer."

"I know. The anesthesia just wore off. I'm trying to take it without help, but I don't know how long that's going to last." No sooner did he finish speaking before a nurse came in. She gave him a bright smile and looked at Emily like she'd done something wrong. She was an older woman, probably in her late forties or early fifties. She had blonde hair that was probably pretty long but it was wrapped in a tight bun with all of it away from her face. Her eyes were bordering on amber and full of intelligence and warmth. It was easy to see that she had seen it all and not much could surprise her.

"I'm Sadie; I'll be your nurse for tonight. I saw on your chart that you've requested to go without narcotics. I can give you something to take the edge off. It won't be as strong as narcotics though. Your doctor said you were okay with 800mgs of ibuprophen so that's what I'm going to give you. I'm guessing you feel like a whole lot of crap, right now."

"That's a pretty accurate depiction of how I feel." He said looking up at her and forcing a smile. She blushed and all but swooned, despite the fact that she was probably old enough to be his mother. Emily rolled her eyes and tried to quell the rush of jealousy that erupted inside her.

"Well let's see if I can help you out with that." She walked over to the whiteboard in his room and erased a name before writing down her own. "Visiting hours are over, so your girlfriend has to go."

"I'm staying the night." Emily responded completely ignoring the girlfriend part…or so she made it seem. She was quite aware of it actually. That's why she was doing her damndest not to look at Spencer.

"Emily has already explained to me that she's not leaving and the only thing I can do is accept it." It didn't escape Emily's notice that he didn't correct her either. However, he did look at her. She recognized that look; it was the look he gave her when she swore he was looking for something. What, she wasn't sure. A reaction maybe or a sign. Whatever it was she was pretty sure she gave it to him. She could feel the heat moving up her neck and face. She fought the urge to fan herself or touch her cheeks. Instead she looked away biting her lip.

"Well, isn't Emily determined?" Sadie said forcing a smile before she left. It made Emily happy she was there; the woman was close to jumping poor, barely mobile Spencer. Instead of over thinking it she gave him his food and ate quietly. Sadie came back to give him his pills and then another woman came in. She was bold. She kept flipping her long dark hair over her shoulder and batting her eyelashes at Spencer. Emily wanted to pour hot coffee on her but decided against it. She wondered if her jealousy showed when Darcy, his Patient Care Assistant for the night, promised to get him anything he needed. It wasn't the words; it was the emphasis on _anything _that bothered her. _Dr. Reid, let me know if there is __**anything**__ I can do for you._ Emily could practically hear the _or to you_ that Darcy managed to leave off. And of course, he just smiled and nodded. It was maybe an hour later, after Darcy had brought him a pillow and some water, when Spencer was loopy from the pills. He wasn't high or anything, just a little giggly. She was sitting on his bed playing Gin with him. He was still kicking her ass even though he was impaired.

"Are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?" He asked completely catching Emily off guard. He pushed the table to the side of him and grabbed Emily's hand.

"What are you talking about?" she asked innocently, but even loopy Reid could see through that. She was blushing; she knew it, because she could feel his thumb rubbing the back of her hand.

"The giant pink elephant with our names on it, I feel it to you know. There's something here, Em. We can pretend it's not but we both know there is. You don't look at me the way you look at Morgan or Hotch. It's nice knowing you have a look just for me. I hope you've noticed that I have one for you too." Everything he was saying was what she had been waiting to hear. It would have been better if his words weren't a little slurred and his eyes were just a touch more focused. She was about to speak when he lifted his hand and slid it into her hair. Without much warning her dragged her mouth to his and kissed her. He kissed her like she was the only woman in the world and he'd been searching. When he pulled back his head fell on the pillow. He smiled at her and whispered something before he fell asleep. "I love you, Emily."

"I love you too." She replied softly touching her lips.

She half expected him to forget about what happened the night before. She expected him to wake up and things would go back to normal. He was on his way back from the bathroom when she woke up. Darcy was standing beside him looking at his ass as he hobbled along on his crutches. He'd ditched the ugly gown for boxer briefs and a borderline see through white t-shirt. He pushed himself forward and Darcy checked out his ass. Emily was about to say something when he looked at her and smiled. That smile did things to her that she wasn't ready to accept or explain. Emily stood up and met him halfway. She was about to tell Darcy that she could take it from here but before she could Spencer surprised her. He let go of a crutch and nearly fell but her arms slid around his waist both to steady him and just to touch him. His free hand went to her neck and slid in her hair as he pulled her closer. He kissed her, in front of Darcy, when he was half naked and close to falling. He kissed her until breathing became a necessity. When he pulled away she was beyond blushing.

"Good morning." He said quietly rubbing his thumb on her cheek. She pressed her forehead to his enjoying the minty scent of his breath.

"Well, hello handsome." She heard someone clear their throat behind Spencer and knew right away it was Darcy. Emily smiled evilly and peeked at the other woman around as she picked up his crutch. "Darcy, I think I can take it from here."

Hearing Darcy leave would have given her a twisted sense of joy but she didn't hear a thing. Somewhere between her words and Darcy leaving she got lost in something more important. Spencer was looking at her again, the look she'd grown quite fond of, and that was more important than anything else.

_"Now I've got you in my sights with these, hungry eyes. Now did I take you by surprise. I need you to see this love was meant to be..."_


	9. In The Dark

**A/N: Okay, so don't be angry with me but this has more than one part. The second part will either be posted tomorrow or Monday. The last chapter was kind of fluffy. This one is not. This isn't rated a very strong T. Think PG-13 movie. In The Dark is a song by Jojo. I hope you like it. **

_"This ain't the first or last time we'll meet up this late at night to let our fates intertwine. Casually I'd rather be detached from out tragedy. This don't need to be defined..."_

How did she end up here? That's the question Emily Prentiss kept asking herself. She had done something noble; she gave up her entire life to protect the people she loved. And now, she was slowly killing one of them. She could see it in his eyes when he knew no one was watching them. She was hurting him but she couldn't stay away. Every night she would find herself at his door practically itching to have his hands on her again. She was addicted to him. It was only under the cover of darkness that she let herself admit that.

_The first time had been unexpected. It was a night out with the team two days after her return. The whole thing had been complicated and difficult and painful but they had survived. Morgan had suggested the bluesy bar/club they went to. It was full of seductive music and relatively cheap drinks. The air was thick with the smell of perfume and desperation. There was tension around them so thick an electric saw wouldn't have made it through._

_She had stepped away for air, a chance to catch her breath, and Reid had followed her. He stepped out the back door behind her taking a deep breath and shoving his hands deep in his pockets. He didn't say anything at first and she had her mouth all set to apologize until she met his eyes. She could practically see the fight he was having with himself. Part of him was angry, maybe that's why what they did fell the way it did. The other part wanted something, wanted her. Before she could talk herself out of it she moved closer to him._

_The room they all but stumbled into was full of couples making good use of couches and tables. She pulled him in even though he wasn't really sure about being there. Emily didn't want to know how Morgan knew about that bar/club but at that moment she was happy he did. Before he could change his mind Emily shoved him down on one of the open sofas. There was slow seductive music playing. Between the music and the alcohol she wasn't thinking straight. She climbed into his lap and captured his mouth with hers. Her body was draped over his and his hands were on her hips as she rolled them against him. They quickly got possessive, those hands, slipping under her shirt pressing into her skin. She pulled away to look at him. The look in his eyes turned her on more than anything any other man had ever done. _

_That feeling led to her pulling his hand off her hip and raising her shirt for him. His hand slid over her stomach and wrapped around her breast, the pad of his thumb brushing over her nipple. Her body arched pressing herself into his hand. Reid swallowed so loud she could almost hear it over the music. He leaned forward pressing his lips to her neck. Every nip and kiss made her shiver. They needed to get out of there or she was going to climb him in front of everyone in the room. She needed an unobstructed view of the erection pressed against her. _

_She told him to meet her outside while she went to tell the team they were leaving. She made up something about him being sick and needing to get out of there. Morgan offered to take him but she said she wanted to do it. She didn't realize her skin was flushed and she was breathing hard. JJ and Garcia gave her a look that let her know they weren't buying it. They knew how she'd felt about Reid before her…untimely staged demise. When she got outside he was waiting for her blushing more than he ever had. He was about to say something, what she wasn't sure. _

_They were in an alley and it was maybe the least romantic place to be. It was dark and hot and she wanted him so bad she was practically burning. She took one step toward him and grabbed his tie. Her back met the wall and he slammed his mouth down on hers with bruising force. She had to pry herself away from him and the wall she was pressed against. The ride to his apartment wasn't an easy one. She had to keep her hands to herself but she was grinding herself against the seat. He was flying through the streets like a bat out of hell, something she had never seen him do. _

_When they got into his apartment he didn't bother with stripping her all the way down. He just got to what he wanted. She was worse. Her hands went straight for his belt. Once his pants were down her hand was inside his boxers. He broke away from her mouth with a gasp and a groan. Her hand wrapped around his warm hard length pumping slowly before sweeping her thumb over the tip. She hadn't given the doctor enough credit, he was much larger than she had expected. He pulled her hand away pushing her pants and panties over her hips. His hand slipped between her legs and she had to bite her lip to keep from screaming. When they were off her he lifted her off her feet and laid her on the nearest sturdy surface. That happened to be the coffee table. _

_He plunged inside her with one rough thrust tearing a sound from her throat she barely recognized. His pace was rough and fast as he pounded her into the table. Emily held on to him feeling the wave build quickly. Every muscle in her body felt the orgasm coming as she writhed under him. She came screaming and he followed her a few frenzied strokes later._

_The moments after were awkward. Her clothes were either off of her or only half on her. He was blushing and looked like he was ashamed of himself. She did the wrong thing; she knew it when she did it. She couldn't get out of there fast enough. That was maybe the best sex she'd ever had but it shouldn't have happened. _

Now, it had been a month and she was still going to him every night. He never turned her away, even when he should have. Every night she would show up at his door, they would fuck like the world was about to end, and then she would be gone before the sun came up. Her conscience would kick in and she wouldn't let herself stay there with him. She had to get out before he looked at her or she would give him whatever he wanted. She couldn't afford that.

So she ran, like the coward she felt like more and more every morning. She left knowing he was awake listening to her scramble for the exit. She was waiting for him to tell her to go to hell. She was waiting for him to slam the door in her face. But that wasn't his style. Instead, he gave her what she wanted and nothing more. He shut himself off. She could feel the difference. She missed him and she was in his bed every night. He barely looked at her at work but when he did the pain was evident in his eyes.

So she went to him with the intent to talk but she ended up under him all over again. She tried to ignore how much different it felt. Being with him was never dull or unsatisfying. He was just rougher than usual. She fell asleep with her bra hanging off of her and her hair a mess. When she woke up he wasn't in the bed. He was sitting on his dresser. She sat up and looked for her clothes. She couldn't find them though. She turned around and looked at him and he looked pissed. There was only one time she had seen him that angry and it had involve an unsub submitting his daughter to ECT.

"Looking for these?" he asked pointing to her clothes sitting next to him folded neatly with her gun sitting on top. He was wearing a grey t-shirt and basketball shorts, something she would have never guessed he owned, and his arms were folded across his chest. She tried not to think about how hot he looked that way. She went to move and realized something else. She was still handcuffed to the bed.

"What are you doing, Reid?"

"_**Spencer**_." she blinked when his voice snapped out to her full of venom. He never even raised his voice but she still felt it.

"What?"

"You can fuck me every night but you can't even call me by my name." she flinched. She had never heard him use that word before. He never swore. The most she'd ever heard him say was damn and hell. And that was only on rare occasions both of which would involve catching him off guard. "I guess it's because I'm not real to you. I don't have needs or feelings. So therefore my _name _isn't important."

"That's not true."

"Right, of course. Here's the thing, _Emily, _I need to talk and I need you to listen. And you don't get your clothes or your gun back until you do."

_To be continued…_

_"Shadows across your face, your lips a familiar taste. Stay focused, I tried, can't get this out of my mind. I want more than what this is, whatever we're calling this. The truth just breaks my heart. I only know him in the dark..."_


	10. Temporary Bliss

**A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long. You would think I'd learn my lesson when it comes to setting deadlines for myself. I hope you can forgive me. This picks up where In The Dark left off and a little before. Temporary Bliss is a song by The Cab. It's on their new album and if you listen to it while you read the beginning it'll explain my thought process. I'm sorry for any grammatical errors, I'm working without a beta. Read and Review! Enjoy!**

_"I come over, quarter past two. Love in my eyes, blinded by you. Just to get a taste of heaven. I'm on my knees. I can't help it, I'm addicted. But I can't stand the pain inflicted, in the morning. You're not holding on to me..."_

He couldn't figure out why he let her do this to him every time. She'd been back for a little over a month and she'd been using him as a walking talking sex toy the whole time. With all his genius he couldn't figure out why he kept letting her in his house.

He considered telling her no all the time. He wanted to defend himself somehow but his baser urges always took over. She would walk through the door wanting him and his mind would go completely blank. He was a masochist, a glutton for punishment. That's the only viable explanation.

Spencer Reid believed in logic and things he could see and touch. Maybe that was part of the problem. He knew why he let her in every night. He knew why he listened every morning as she tried to quietly slip out of the door without telling her how much it hurt. They pretended everything was okay. She pretended that he was asleep when she snuck out before the sun was high enough in the sky to illuminate the room. And he pretended it didn't break his heart every time he heard her leave.

He was ashamed of himself. He was letting her walk all over him. When did he become this guy? This poor excuse for a man, letting a woman break his heart on a daily basis? The sad thing was that he knew the answer to that question. He'd spent hours pondering it. He was in love with her. Plain and simple. He was heart stopping, head over heels, ass over tea kettle and any other ridiculously cliché phrase he could think of, in love with her. He had lost her once and he couldn't do anything to stop it. This time he was going to keep her close no matter how much she hurt him. But he was tired. He didn't know how much more he was going to be able to take before it didn't feel worth it anymore. She was taking advantage of him with no remorse.

He spent an unbelievable amount of time trying to think of ways to tell her how he felt. He even considered not answering the door when she showed up at 2am. But every time, without fail, he broke. He opened the door and found her how he always found her. She always looked like she was trying to talk herself out of being there with him. It was just another knife at this point.

Their eyes met and his mind went blank again. One look was all it took and he was done. He was royally fucked in every way he could think of. She wasn't the only problem. He was just as bad. He longed to touch her and feel her writhe under him. He needed to touch her. He knew it was temporary, that it would be over in the morning, but in the moment he couldn't think of anything else but hearing her whisper his name like a prayer. He couldn't pin point the exact moment when the plan came to him. One moment he was participating in his own demise and the next he had a plan. She could come to him for what she wanted. He ought to be able to keep her for what he wanted. So he suggested handcuffs.

He could admit that he made the suggestion when her mind was obviously busy. His sexual prowess wasn't the problem and he wasn't as innocent as everyone seemed to think he was. He knew how to keep her mind occupied so she heard what he said but she didn't fully grasp what it meant. He could also admit that the sex was different because he was thinking differently. The sex between Spencer and Emily had never been boring; it was always explosive and passionate. This time was no different except for one thing. He fucked her like it was the last time he'd ever have the chance.

It didn't escape his notice that his plan was risky. It could very well backfire or blow up in his face. But it was a risk he was willing to take. He wasn't suggesting an all or nothing kind of thing. He just wanted more. A date would be nice. Hell, waking up and having her say good morning before she high tailed it out of his house would be a welcome change.

Unfortunately this plan kept him from getting much sleep. He couldn't afford to fall asleep. He'd lose his nerve. So he got up and read a couple of books. He made breakfast because that was a part of the plan. He answered a 6am call from Morgan asking if he wanted to go to the gym. They'd been going together since Emily left. Having her back hadn't changed that. Then he waited.

The moment she stirred his anger came back in full force. Mostly because upon seeing that he wasn't in the bed she still looked for her clothes to leave. Then she noticed the handcuffs and finally looked at him. She looked nervous and he was perfectly okay with that. It was time she felt something.

"What are you doing, Reid?" That infuriated him. She had no problem coming to him every night and climbing in bed with him. But when it came to calling him by his name she still couldn't do it. He should be used to it by now but it still hurt.

"_**Spencer.**_" He snapped. He saw her blink before she controlled her face.

"What?"

"You can fuck me every night but you can't even call me by my name." She flinched more than likely because of the word he used. Morgan had had the same reaction although this was a decidedly different situation. "I guess it's because I'm not real to you. I don't have needs or feelings. So therefore my _name _isn't important."

"That's not true."

"Right, of course. Here's the thing, _Emily, _I need to talk and I need you to listen. And you don't get your clothes or your gun back until you do." She just stared at him. Maybe she didn't believe he was serious or maybe she still thought he didn't have an assertive bone in his body because he didn't run around forcing his masculinity in peoples' faces.

"This isn't funny, Spencer. Let me out of these."

"Why, so you can run out of here regardless of how it makes me feel? I'm glad you don't think this is funny because I'm definitely not laughing. I guess you could say I finally snapped. We've spent 27 of the last 32 days doing this same dance and I just can't take it anymore."

"I'm sorry."

"Not good enough, Em. Do you even care?" She looked at him like he was crazy.

"Of course I care about you." He snorted and walked out of the room. He could hear the hand cuffs rattling against his headboard but he knew it would hold. He came back a couple of minutes later with a cup of coffee for her and sat it on the nightstand. "You know the last time someone tied me up they nearly beat me to death? This doesn't exactly bring up the fondest memories."

"The memories really aren't all that great for me either, Emily. You see, someone told me you died on the operating table. Then I carried your casket and watched it sink into the ground. That was followed by the hardest six months of my life. You know the ones where I thought you were dead." There was venom in his voice as he said it. Part of him still hurt. "I'm an addict with serious abandonment issues Em; if you're trying to break me it might be easier to just stick the needle in my arm yourself." She flinched again and closed her eyes. It took her a minute or two to regain her composure and look at him.

"I said I was sorry! I didn't have a choice. I was trying to protect you. How many times am I gonna have to apologize for that?"

"That's not what you need to apologize for." Spencer replied quietly. Emily snapped her mouth shut. "I thought I lost you. It hurt, I honestly didn't know I could hurt that much and keep breathing. I had all these feelings and they didn't go away when you did. They stuck around and made it hard to get out of bed in the morning."

"I'm sorry; I never meant to hurt you." Her eyes were shining with unshed tears. He didn't want to make her cry but he had to be honest.

"What about now?"

"Now? This is complicated."

"You think I'm going to hurt you. I just don't want to lose you again. But I can't do this anymore. I need more than a visit when you're lonely. I love you. I'm in love with you. I just want to be with you. You are the first women I ever let myself shed tears for besides my mother."

"What do you want?" She asked softly. Her eyes had softened completely. She wasn't trying to stare him down anymore and she wasn't staring at the blanket or biting her nails.

"I want you, Emily. I thought I was making that clear. I can't be a bed warmer anymore. Before all of this happened you'd become my best friend. There was this song I heard on a case and it made me think of you. The unsub's best friend had died and then he snapped. He started murdering all the people who hurt her. I came home after the case and listened to it over and over again. There was a line 'when something is broken and you try to fix it any way that you can. I'm diving off the deep end, you become my best friend." He ran a hand through her hair and brushed the tear she couldn't stop away with his thumb. "I'll be willing to go back to that if you don't want to be with me. But if you want to be with me you have to really be with me. No more of this after midnight rendezvous stuff."

"You don't understand, I'm a mess. One day you are going to realize that and you won't want me anymore."

"It takes a mess to know a mess and nobody knows me like you." He took a deep breath and sighed before continuing. "The fact of the matter is this. I'm not a yoyo or a puppet. Or a toy for that matter. You can't play with me when you're bored and expect me to sit quietly when you're done. I have feelings and emotions. I have feelings for you but I can't keep letting you use me to your body's content. It's not fair to ask me to. I can't tell you anymore than I already am. Eventually you have to make a choice. You can either be the brave woman I always knew you to be and take the leap to see where this will go, or run. But you have to choose, Em. No more straddling the fence. You can't fuck me and forget me anymore. My pride won't let me settle for that. So we're either lovers or friends." He took a deep breath and sighed as he unlocked the handcuffs. He gave her a long slow kiss putting his heart into it. When he pulled away she looked up at him. He could see she felt something for him but it was almost hidden by fear. She found her underwear and plopped back down on the bed. He was surprised. He half expected her to make a run for it.

"I want you! I just don't think you actually want me." Reid rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair sighing. He moved away from her and leaned against the dresser.

"What have I done to make you doubt me?"

"Agent Shelly." He looked at her confused raising his eyebrow.

"Who is Agent Shelly?"

"Agent Teresa Shelly is the brunette who brings you your mail every morning and offers to fetch you coffee." Now he was really confused. He ran through every face he saw in the morning in his mind. It took him a moment to figure out who she was talking about.

"She was just being nice, Morgan told her I took your…I was upset. He thought that meant I needed a girlfriend or at least to get laid. His words, not mine. I didn't do anything wrong. And I don't know if you were paying attention or not-"

"Oh I saw the whole damn show. I watched her hang on your every word and bring you coffee." She got off the bed and moved toward him. " She was all over you, not once did you tell her you were seeing someone."

"Is that what I'm doing because that's not what it feels like."

"I am with you; I just needed time before things got more serious. I know what you want. You want the old Emily and I can't be her anymore, not after what I went through. I don't know how to be her anymore but I know that's who you want. I'm a mess! I'm what's left of her and what trauma created. I want to be what you want, who you want. You deserve so much more than what I have left to offer." She was prepared to keep talking but he pulled her to his body and kissed her. Emily's arms slipped around his waist and she opened her mouth to deepen the kiss. A soft sigh escaped her and Spencer felt it through his entire body. His hand sunk into her hair as he pulled her flush against him. She moaned into his mouth sliding her hands under his shirt dragging her nails softly against his back. The groan that escaped him made her smile against his lips. Her hands slipped inside his shorts palming his ass making him yelp. "You aren't wearing anything under these shorts." She said breathlessly when she pulled away. Before he could speak she nipped at his throat and his eyes slid shut. It took all he had to push her away.

"Slow down, I made breakfast."

"You would rather eat than have sex with me?" Spencer stepped away from her and pulled her hands off his body. He pulled off his shirt and handed it to her.

"Any other day, no, but today I need to know you're taking me seriously." She gave him a look he remembered all too well. It was how she had looked at him when she told him to reread Gideon's letter and when he first saw the carnage Cyrus had caused by beating her. She looked down at the shirt and he could tell she was considering something. Whenever she was thinking she would brush her tongue over her bottom lip before biting that lip. He'd always found it adorable. "Baby steps, Em." He reached out his hand and waited for her to take it. She pulled on his shirt and stepped forward wrapping her hand around his.

"Here's to baby steps."

_"Cause I can't keep sleeping in your bed if you keep messing with my head. Before I slip under your sheets, can you give me something please? I can't keep touching you like this, if it's just temporary bliss..."_


	11. X&Y

**A/N: Hi guys, I know it's been a long time but I have another chapter for you. School is taking it's toll but I'm sorry it took so long. The chapters might not come as quickly as they have been. This chapter is rated T, think of it like a PG-13 movie. It mentions sex a few times but nothing really dirty. X&Y is a song by Coldplay and I think it fits them perfectly. Anything else...OH! I don't own Criminal Minds but I love the new Reid. I'm writing a couple of chapters and a story about the new season. XOXO Enjoy!**

_"Trying hard to speak and fighting with my weak hand. Driven to distraction, so part of the plan. When something is broken and you try to fix it. Trying to repair it, any way you can. I dive into the deep end, she become my best friend..."_

"Do you have any handcuffs?" That was not what Emily expected Reid to say when she opened the door. She was knee deep in her second tumbler of scotch and she had plans for many more. It had been the worst day she'd had in a very long time and she was going to drink until she didn't hear the conversation between Hotch and Hayley anymore. She didn't think she'd ever forget the sound of the gunshots or of Hayley gasping to keep from showing Foyette fear.

"Hello to you too, Reid." She replied sarcastically as he brushed past her. His gait was still unsteady since he was still using a cane.

"I know this is strange and if I had another option I would use it. I hate to ask this of you but I need your help." She gave him a confused look after closing the door. He looked serious and he wasn't fidgeting. Proof that he'd decided to do this after much thought.

"If this is some kind of sexual thing I feel like I should tell you, I'm not drunk enough yet." He blushed and looked away after his eyes grew to the size of saucers. He tried a couple of times to speak but it didn't come out right away.

"What?" He squeaked before clearing his throat. His face changed and if she didn't know any better she would say she hurt his feelings. "I'll try not to be insulted that you need to be drunk to have intercourse with me. I really do need help. I would go to a meeting but there isn't another one till morning. My sponsor is out of town but he told me to find a friend I trust and stay with them. He also told me to give you these to destroy." He pulled two glass vials out of his pocket and placed them in her palm. She looked down at the bottles and tears sprung to her eyes. It took her a second to realize what he was trusting her with.

"Reid, I don't know what to say." He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked anywhere but at her. He had that kicked puppy look on his face that always got to her. He looked so guilty.

"I know this is a lot to ask. I just need help tonight and I knew that if there was anyone I could trust with this, it's you Emily." Emily felt the blush coming to her cheeks. So she turned away and went to the sink. She tried to unscrew the bottles but when that didn't work she put them in a plastic bag and smashed them.

"Do you have any more on you?" He shook his head no looking even guiltier if that were possible. "Do I need to frisk you?" Emily was almost sure that if Reid's emotions weren't so raw he would've never let her see the blush that colored his cheeks or the grin threatening to spread across his face. But she saw it and she fought not to smile herself. "Naughty boy. I'm serious though." He shook his head and pulled his pockets out for her. She nodded and threw the bag in the trash. "Are you okay?" She asked after a long silence. He shrugged his shoulders saying he wasn't sure.

"Sometimes I'm happy to have an eidetic memory. It helps me connect things that others wouldn't see. But other times, days like today, it feels like a curse. I can't forget minute details about today that will become fuzzy for everyone else. I remember smells, and exact words, the position of Hayley's body, and the way Hotch's body sagged with relief when he found Jack. I remember the look on the EMTs' faces when they came out and the one that got sick after seeing the bloody mess that used to be Foyette. I wanted to forget but I can't go down that road again. I've been clean for three years and I don't want to go back there." He looked up at her and his eyes grew wide. Emily had a second to wonder why before the first tear rolled down her face. She wasn't sure where her mind went or how she missed his trek to her but suddenly his arms were around her.

Reid, who wasn't a huge fan of hugging or touching for that matter, pulled her into his deceptively strong embrace. She had a couple of seconds where she tried to fight the steady wave of emotion threatening to overtake her. But there wrapped tightly in the arms of someone she trusted she couldn't hold back.

All it took was him pressing his face against her hair and the damn broke. She cried for Hotch. She cried for Hailey, for Jack, for herself, and for Reid. She cried for him because of all that he'd had to survive. She cried because she was lonely and she could tell that he was too. When the tears finally subsided they were on the floor. She wasn't even sure how they got there.

She pulled away to apologize to him when she met his eyes. His eyes were red and puffy but she could tell he hadn't let any tears fall. He sniffled and pushed hair away from her face. It was a tender gesture that she wasn't used to. She grabbed his hand holding it to her cheek before turning and kissing his palm. They'd allowed themselves a moment like this after Cyrus and Colorado. They spent hours in each other's arms just trying to shake the cold lonely feeling that awaited them in their beds.

It was strange how they had fallen into the role of whatever the other needed without ever saying a word. She just held on to him to wash away the fear that she was unconscious and would wake only to find him dead. And he held on to her to weaken the guilt for not being able to help her or take the beating for her.

Now it was all about feeling helpless. They didn't know how to help Hotch. They couldn't save Hayley, or Jack's innocence. They didn't stop Foyett in time and now they had to explain a horrible day to a horrible woman. Because she felt helpless and he felt sure and strong it seemed perfectly natural when she pressed her lips to his. The taste of coffee coated her tongue as her hands wound their way into his soft curls.

The clothes almost melted away in a blur of need and solace. His hands drifted over her body and his lips caressed her skin. Before she knew it she was looking down at him, naked in all his glory, amazed by just how beautiful he really was. Her mind had ceased to function in the wake of what his long elegant fingers were capable of. She wasn't even thinking about the bet she won with JJ and Garcia about whether or not Reid was a magician at other things. He was all smooth pale skin and perfect strong lines. The feel of him warm and pliant beneath her sent chills racing through her entire body.

He filled her in ways she couldn't imagine. The sight of bare passion and need in his eyes took her breath away. It was something she never expected to see. Just like she never expected there to be so much strength in his body, she never expected the fine definition of muscled that she took her time mapping out. She never expected to see his eyes pupil-blown and dark, so dark she almost couldn't see color anymore. She never thought him capable of making her scream and moan his name with her eyes screwed shut lost in ecstasy. She never expected it to be so erotic to hear him moan her name like a prayer against her chest, or the steady pounding of his hips, or to see him laid out beneath her on her kitchen floor with his lips parted panting.

Three times, she wasn't sure what to call what they did, but whatever it was they did it three times. Twice on the kitchen floor, the second time because he'd stayed on the floor while she tried to cook. His fingers drifted up her bare thigh before his lips followed then the young doctor did something with his mouth that she was sure she would dream about for years to come. The third time, they did whatever it was they did, was on her living room floor surrounded on all sides by blankets and pillows in front of her fire place.

Afterwards, both staring down into two fingers of scotch, they tried to figure out what it was they'd done. To call it sex seemed just plain disrespectful. It deserved some sort of reverence but saying they made love sounded like too much. There were feelings involved, emotions and passion and desire, there was so much need involved it took three times to finally sate it. The next morning she watched him get dressed with a cup of coffee and a heavy feeling of resignation. Fear of whatever this was compelled her to stay where she was no matter how much she wanted stop. She really wanted to drag him to her room and never let him leave.

"What does this mean? Does it mean something?" he asked her after he plopped down on the sofa next to her. She handed him a cup of coffee made to his specifications. She didn't miss the ghost of a smile that crossed his face after he tasted it.

"I don't know, but thank you." He looked up at her and she noticed the flush in his cheeks.

"No, thank you, I'm not sure I could have gotten through tonight without you. Is that what this is? Just two friends trying to help each other?" She would never understand what made her respond the way she did.

"Yes, that's exactly what it was. I needed you and you needed me, nothing more and nothing less." He nodded silently staring down at his coffee.

"Okay, so now things go back to normal? We act like this didn't happen?" That seemed wrong too.

"It was what it was, and we should respect that. Now, we go back to being friends and teammates." He nodded again and put his cup down on the table.

"Okay, I should go." Emily nodded silently as he stood up. She could feel the urge to beg him to stay bubbling up in her throat. She tried to force it down but before she could it snuck up and out.

"Reid," she cried with a little more force than she really meant to. He stopped and looked at her. "Thanks again, if you ever need someone to hideout with I'm here." He nodded and smiled warmly but the look in his eyes let her know he knew that's not what she wanted to say.

It took her a little over a week to realize how stupid she was being. She didn't want to act like it didn't happen. She'd lay in her bed at night, staring at the ceiling or watching the lights from cars passing dance over it, and think about that night. They weren't the same. She almost went to him after their individual meetings with Strauss. He'd given her a warm smile when he was coming out and she was going in. The smile did things to her now that it didn't do before.

She'd planned to talk to him after the funeral but then they had a case. A brutal one at that. As if they weren't uncomfortable enough in their homes after what Foyett did to Hotch and Hailey, they had an unsub who broke into women's homes and forced them to be with him. It had bothered Emily more than anyone else because she was his type. It was always hard when she was an unsub's type.

It took a little liquid courage and the chill of loneliness for her to finally decide to go see him. She sat in her living room staring at the fireplace for about two hours thinking about what all this meant. She couldn't say she was in love with him but she felt something. Something was better than the nothing she'd been feeling for years. And she only felt whatever it was when she was with him. That had to mean something right? She had her keys in her hand and she was on the way to the door before that thought even occurred to her. She had this cold lump of fear in her stomach that Reid didn't feel the same way. He barely looked at her anymore, maybe he didn't think about her at all.

She had about thirty seconds to ponder that uncomfortable thought before yanking her door open and startling the very man she'd been thinking off. She stopped and stared at him. He looked unsure, he had the hand that wasn't holding his cane shoved in his pocket and he was looking at his shoes. Finally, when he looked up, her mind turned back on. She felt the smile cross her face and exhaled.

"Hey," he said returning her smile.

"I was coming to see you."

"You know what they say about great minds. I came because I don't think I can pretend what happened between us didn't happen." Emily ran her tongue over her bottom lip before biting it.

"Yep, neither can I. You can come in and we can talk about it." A grin spread across his face, one she was sure she'd only seen once before. He'd been sitting on her kitchen floor looking up his shirt which she was naked underneath.

"We both know that talking won't happen anytime soon." She grabbed his tie and pulled him inside.

"Well you have an eidetic memory, I'm sure you'll remember later."

They talked…eventually.

_"You and me are floating on a tidal wave, together. You and me are drifting into outer space..."_


	12. Lair Liar

**A/N: Hello again my lovelies! For those of you who like a little smut I wrote a Halloween treat. It's called Enchantment and it involves Prentiss and Reid and a little Red Riding Hood costume. On another note, I decided to jump on the "Emily is back" bandwagon. I don't think everything should have been all better after Rossi's cooking lesson. So here is my take...well one of them. Liar Liar is a song by Alexz Johnson from the TV show Instant Star. Enjoy...**

_"You played me like a radio. You used to love that I had no shame. Put my pain into words. Hold my hand to the flame..."_

She was alive.

His brain wasn't functioning at the normal level. Spencer Reid knew how to reason away a multitude of things. He could understand things that seemed like another language to most people. But this, this was so far out of his wheel house he didn't know what to do. She was supposed to be dead. That's what JJ told him. That's what everyone had led him to believe. Now he was just supposed to accept that it was just a cleverly constructed load of bull.

He had spent months telling himself that she was gone and she wasn't coming back. For weeks he went to JJ, who he thought was his best friend, and cried like a baby. He was doing his damndest to forget the feelings he had for her and what he'd wanted from her. He focused on making himself a better agent because that was the only way he knew he could keep living. He threw himself into work, the non-stop monotony of chasing psycho after socio worked to help him get through, to survive.

And every time they took down another killer he knew he was one step closer to being ready to take down the person he really wanted. So after they hugged and he forced every desire to scream at the top of his lungs and tell both Hotch and JJ to go to hell, he did what he did best. He worked. Was he happy for the chance to hand Doyle over to someone who really wanted to torture him? Of course he was, maybe a little happier than a normal person would be. And the reason came down to one simple fact.

Dead or alive, Ian Doyle's actions took Emily away from him. If it wasn't for that man, Emily would never have had to leave. There were plenty of people to blame but he was the real culprit. So after he was dead there were other demons to fight. There was a board review of their actions. He made it clear that it had been his idea and that everyone went along with it because they weren't heavy on time. They managed to save Declan's life and stop three arms dealers. That was a victory any day. But the board wasn't happy with their methods.

It was during a very odd moment with Strauss that he finally let on to what he was really feeling. He had been hiding behind shock and confusion for days now. Strauss had sat next to him as he waited to go in and face the firing squad.

"At least you got her back." She'd said to him in an uncharacteristically caring manner. He fought back the urge to snort and say something really sarcastic before responding.

"Did we?" He'd said we but what he really meant was did he get her back. It didn't seem like it to him. He wasn't handling it well, the feelings were still there. Those useless and painful feelings that were never going to amount to anything except more heartbreak were still simmering inside him. At night he couldn't think about anything but her. To be honest, it was almost easier when he thought she was dead.

He kept his feelings to himself for weeks. He refused to cry on anyone else's shoulder. No one else was going to make a fool of him if he could help it. JJ wanted to talk while they were on a case in Oklahoma. He had nothing to say to her. Then to make matters worse, she insulted his intelligence not once but twice. First was pointedly saying he was acting out instead of dealing with the problem. Instead of responding he just looked at her. She was his problem. Next it was that they hurt his ego by controlling their micro-expressions at the hospital.

Calling her Jennifer had a purpose; it was to show that they weren't friends anymore. She made a fool out of him; he wasn't going to give her the opportunity to do it again. It wasn't until they were on the jet when Emily decided to try her hand. After small talk failed she leaned forward like she had after Liberty Ranch. It wasn't the same, he wasn't the same guy and she wasn't the same Emily. He didn't really get angry until she tried to compare thinking she was dead to having to leave.

"You mourned the loss of a friend; I mourned the loss of six." Inwardly Reid snorted. That wasn't entirely sure. "This whole thing gave me an ulcer, don't give me another one." By this point he couldn't keep the snort inside.

"You didn't mourn six friends Emily, no one told you we were dead and let you think you buried us. You didn't spend seven months feeling like a failure because you couldn't save us." He said it as calmly as he could but he could see the shock on her face.

"Okay, be mad at me. It hurts but I can take it. Don't be mad at JJ."

"I love how everyone gives me permission to be angry but they want to decide who I get to be angry with. She brought this on herself. What kind of friend watches you cry over the dead friend you had feelings for when she could stop it?" Emily opened her mouth to speak but stopped when she really thought about what he'd said. "She watched me suffer, let me cry on her shoulder when she knew the truth. I don't know how to forgive something like that."

"Reid," she started sounding guilty.

"I don't need you to let me down easy, Emily. I just need you to leave me alone." With that he went back to his book.

"Like I said, it hurts but I can take it. Don't punish Garcia, Rossi, and Morgan for what I did. Please come to Rossi's tomorrow night." When he didn't respond she went back to wherever she had been before.

In the end it was Garcia that talked him into going. She hadn't done anything wrong; she wanted a night with her family. So he went, he didn't speak to JJ the whole night. He spoke enough to make everyone happy. When he got back to his apartment Emily was waiting for him at his door. He thought about ignoring her but that took more energy than he really had.

"We need to talk." She said following him into his apartment. Reid did his best not to roll his eyes or look irritated but he was sure he failed. After hours of pretending to be a nice happy family he just wanted to be alone.

"There is nothing to talk about."

"I'm sorry, okay! I realize we hurt and you and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to belittle your feelings in any way." he snorted and plopped down on the sofa after shucking his jacket. Emily sat down next to him.

"I don't want to talk about this right now, Agent Prentiss." He replied as cordial as possible.

"Reid," he got up and went in the kitchen just to have her follow him. When he tried to leave she blocked his way. He tried to go around her but she did it again. Could she not see that being around her just plain hurt?

"I'm going to the sofa, is that okay with you?" he asked with irritation evident in his voice.

"Can you look at me please?" Reid moved away from her and leaned against the counter.

"I had huge male cousins who used to take things from me and hold them over their head. So to get them back I would kick them where it hurt the most, wait till the fell, and then sit on their chest until they gave it back. Reid, don't make me sit on you." He snorted and looked at her unable to keep the smile off his face. She grabbed his hand and held it in both of hers. When he tried to look away she gave it a tug until he looked at her again. She had the same look on her face that broke his heart years ago. Then it was meant to settle his guilty conscience, now it just made him feel guilty. His anger was justified but he would never be the heartless bastard he sometimes wished he was. He couldn't just ignore the people he loved, even when they hurt him. "You were my best friend before I left, please don't take that away. I'm sorry, about all of this, it's my fault. JJ was put in that position because I was ashamed of who I used to be. I didn't want you to have to find out about that part of my life because I thought I was over it. I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you just trust me, Emily? I told you something I didn't tell anyone else, I would lay down my life for you, you have to know that. Why couldn't you just trust me?" He tried to pull away when his eyes started burning. To say she broke his heart would be an understatement. "I was so sad but I was pissed at you too. How could you just walk away like that? If there is anyone who knows what that would do to me, it's you."

"I couldn't let you see me the way I saw me. I screwed up, I compromised myself in ways…I didn't want you to look at me and see what I did. I told myself I was protecting you and Declan but I think I was protecting myself from how everyone would react to what I did." Emily let go of his hand and wrapped her arms around her body. She stepped back and leaned against the counter across from him. It took him a second to realize she was crying. "I gave Doyle too much power and I let him do the one thing I thought I was stopping by taking him on myself. He took my family away. I don't know what I would have done if I lost one of you. I couldn't let that happen. So I screwed up, I got emotional and made mistakes. My biggest mistake was not trusting my family, not trusting you. I need you to forgive me because I can't lose you again. I almost didn't survive the first time." By the end she was sobbing and no matter how angry he was he couldn't just watch her cry. He crossed the distance between them in one long stride before pulling her into his arms. Emily buried her face in his chest and let go of what he was sure she had been carrying at least since she got back.

"I need time." He said softly almost an hour later. They had made their way to the sofa without ever letting go.

"I can understand that, just don't cut me out. I need you more than you think, Spencer."

"I'll try." She sat up and looked at him, her eyes full of something he wasn't quite sure how to name.

"How about dinner?" he just looked at her. "If that's too fast, how about I take you out for coffee?"

"Are you asking me out on a date?" He asked, confusion was evident in his voice.

"Normally it's the guy that takes the girl out but our situation is unique. You don't trust me right now; I'm asking you to give me a chance to prove I care. So technically, yes, I am asking you out on a date. It's just coffee, not too big a commitment but it's a start. So, Spencer Reid, can I buy you a cup of coffee?" He wished he could say he thought about it for a long time but he didn't. He just said yes.

When Emily left, Reid didn't feel like he thought he would. He thought he would feel whatever it seemed closure felt like or maybe even hope. But he just felt...lonely. He wasn't sure what he wanted her to say. Maybe he wanted her to tell him she missed him the most or that she loved him. Maybe he wanted her to tell him he was important to her enough that it broke her heart to leave him.

He didn't feel what he wanted to feel. He didn't feel better, he just felt sad. Yeah, she asked him out on a mini date when he learned to trust her again. Why didn't that feel like enough? She'd lied to him about so much but he couldn't help feeling that one more lie could have made him ache a little less.

_"Tell me you love me like a star, tell me you want me wherever you are. Tell me you'll breathe me till your last breath. Liar, Liar..."_


	13. What the Water Gave Me

**A/N: Hello again. This song has been stuck in my head since I saw this week's episode. So I figured I needed to write something, and there was a part that I thought was really important. As always I had to put my own twist on it. This chapter is rated T...I guess. I've seen worse stuff in PG movies. What the Water Gave Me is a song by Florence and the Machine. Enjoy!**

_"Time it took us, to where the water was. That's what the water gave me. And time goes quicker between the two of us. Oh, my love, don't forsake me. Take what the water gave me..."_

_You really died…_what was she supposed to say to that? The look on his face broke her heart. They had been through enough; he was finally starting to talk to her again. This wasn't what they needed. Another setback, another reminder of the time they'd lost. Another reminder of what she'd done. In the end it didn't matter how noble it seemed at the time or how much she felt like she'd paid for it. The truth was right there in the way Spencer looked at her. He would never see her the way he had before. It made sense that he would see light and feel warm and safe; he was the kind of person that deserved peace. Emily was not.

They ignored the elephant in the room and went about working like it didn't bother them. But she caught him looking at her again. Every attempt she'd made to talk to him had been interrupted by someone else on the team. She could take that he didn't want to be with her anymore. She would survive that somehow. Seeing him in so much pain made her feel even guiltier than she already did. Nights spent dreaming about the way he'd made her feel before she died came flying through her mind like a preview of a movie. When she looked up again he was back to looking at her. She hated herself for making him look that way. She loved him, he deserved so much better than what she'd given him.

Without thinking he'd dashed into the water and she'd followed. That's how it would always be. She would follow him to hell and back if he needed her to even if he hated her the whole time. He lifted a guy who easily weighted as much as he did and did it by himself. Yes, the man in front of her definitely deserved to find peace. She watched him as he pressed on a killer's chest as though he were any other human being. He'd been the only one that moved. She breathed into his mouth when Spencer told her to and tried to ignore the look in his eyes that said he didn't want to lose anyone else. That look was all her fault.

It wasn't until he was sitting by himself on the jet that she worked up the nerve to talk to her. Emily left everyone else to worry over Rossi, only he could decide what to do to help himself. Spencer was another story. She silently wondered if anyone noticed that every time he ended up in a hole, usually one he was forced into, he dug himself out. She watched him do it after Tobias Henkel, she watched him do it after Owen Savage and the boy who was shot in front of him. She'd heard the stories, watched him fight tears and win, she'd been there for him in every way she could be. She was his girlfriend and he was her boyfriend until she betrayed him. Now she had to live with it.

When she sat across from him he didn't look up. Instead he made his book look like it was the most interesting thing in the world. In order to get him to talk to her she was going to have to piss him off so she decided she might as well get it over with. So she reached over and put her hand over his book. Spencer put the book down but he didn't look up at her right away. She could see the tell tale signs of fighting for control. He shoulder stiffened before he forced himself to relax.

"Two minutes." She said simply. Finally he looked up at her and hurt to take a deep breath. The look in those big hazel brown eyes of his spoke volumes of confusion, sadness, and betrayal. She could tell he wasn't even sure what he was feeling. "I coded and it took them two minutes to get me back. That part wasn't a lie." The next part she wasn't sure she should tell him. Instead of listening to the little voice in her head that told her to stop there, she licked her lip and nervously scratched her neck. "JJ asked me later if there was anything going on between me and you. I lied, I wasn't going to get you in any trouble or cause you anymore pain. When I asked her what made her ask that question she told me that the first thing I said when they revived me was your name." He'd been looking away as she said it. The moment his eyes met hers again he was searching her for any signs that she was lying. The sad thing was that it was completely true. "Spencer, I never wanted to leave you. I could give you another list of reasons why it was necessary but we both know they just hurt more. You know how I feel about you. I'm just sorry I couldn't tell you before it were too late."

He didn't say anything, he just stared at her. He opened his mouth several times but it seemed he couldn't find the words. He didn't speak and she got up and left him to his thoughts. She wasn't sure what she needed him to say but she wanted him to say something. Tell her that he felt the same way. He could tell her to go to hell; she just wanted him to say something. The strong silent thing was driving her crazy. She wanted to hear statistics, facts that most deemed useless but she had missed terribly. The fact that he didn't say anything was the reason she was going to go home and bury herself in a bottle of scotch.

She was two tumblers into that bottle when there was a knock at her door. She considered not answering, couldn't they understand she was busy wallowing in self pity. However, the person knocking just got more persistent. She was on her way to the door swearing under her breath getting more irritated as she went. She was depressed; she didn't want to be bothered. She wanted to get drunk in piece. She was fully prepared to tell whoever was at the door just that, poised to open it with her gun in her hand until she saw who it was. Without being invited in Spencer stormed past her with long meaningful strides of his long legs.

Emily closed the door sighing loudly. She worked hard to steel herself for the verbal thrashing that was more than likely coming her way. She turned to look at him and noticed how frazzled he looked. His hair was a little wild, probably from constantly running his hands through it, and he wasn't wearing his normal clothes. It wasn't until she spent the night with him the first time that she realized she expected to be in cords and sweater vests all the time. It had been a wakeup call to see him in loose sweatpants and a Caltech t-shirt, but it was still her second favorite thing to see him in. he pulled off his jacket revealing one of those long sleeve thermal t-shits she'd bought him. This one was dark blue; she'd always liked the way he looked in blue. When she looked up to his face he was looking at her.

"You know, it's not fair to drop something like that on me and just walk away. What am I supposed to do with that Em?" He hadn't called her Em in a long time and she decided not to point that out for fear that he would stop.

"I'm sorry." She'd been saying that a lot lately, more to him than anyone else.

"I'm really going to need you to sing a different song now."

"What do you want me to say?" her voice rose a little when he snapped at her.

"Something else, something to make me feel like I'm not an idiot for coming here, says something that makes this feel less like a mistake." He said motioning between the two of them.

"I love you." She said softly. When she said that she watched him deflate a little. He backed away before turning to go sit on the sofa. He plopped down, rather dramatically if she thought so herself, and ran his hands through his hair.

"I really lost you." He replied softly. Her heart skipped listening to the way he sounded. That wasn't anger she heard, that was resignation and guilt. She moved to sit next to him before deciding she needed another drink first.

"Scotch, neat?" She asked on her way to the kitchen. She leaned over the sink and took a deep breath to settle herself. The last thing she needed was to be an emotional wreck in front of him. She could do that later when he inevitably left. She tried to focus on finding him a glass but her hands were shaking. She nearly dropped the glass. She was so focused on what she was doing that she didn't even hear him walk up to her. She felt him grab her hand to steady it and that touch put a major crack in the wall she was trying to build. He turned her around and put his hands on her cheeks. His thumb rubbed soft circles behind her ears with his index fingers knowing it always turned her to goo.

"I don't want to lose you again." He whispered softly before pressing his lips to hers. The kiss started off slow, meant only to solidify what he was saying, but before she knew it he was kissing her senseless. His fingers fisted in her hair, his tongue sweeping across hers teasingly as he tasted her. Emily moaned and balled her hands in his shirt. When he pulled away she was breathless.

"Don't kiss me like that and tell me you want to leave." His eyes always went dangerously dark when he really wanted her. It was a look that she could feel like a shiver up her spine. "Stay, please?" She really hated begging but if that's what it took to get him to stay. He untangled himself from her and took a step back. She took that as a no before he reached out his hand. She looked up at him and felt the smile spread across her face. When she took it he pulled her to him and kissed her again.

"I have conditions. I want to take this slow." His words came out as a sigh as her hands slipped into the back of his sweatpants.

"Is there any way we can start taking it slow tomorrow." She asked grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the steps.

"I think you just read my mind."

_"So lay me down. Let the only sound, be the overflow. Pocket full of stones. Lay me down, let the only sound, be the overflow..."_


	14. Love After War

**A/N: Hello again my lovelies. I've been writing a lot but finals aren't really conducive to writing. I hope you like it. Love After War is a song by Robin Thicke. Its a great song, you should all listen to it especially while reading this chapter. Read and Review, I do love your feedback. Enjoy!**

****_"Oooh, it's a knock out baby. You want the fight. I said I'm sorry I acted like a selfish child. Please forgive me baby, I was out of line. You know I can make it right..."_

* * *

><p>Epic fights were her specialty. Whenever things started to get serious her fight or flight response would kick in and she always managed to do both at the same time. She would get terrified and the only way she could respond was to pick a fight and keep pushing until the guy left. Now was no different. She was always terrified that they would figure her out and realize she wasn't worth the effort.<p>

Yes, Emily Prentiss had mastered the art of ruining a good thing. Then she would bitch and moan claiming all men were the same. This time she'd found a guy that was good and honest. He was the kind of guy who held her when she cried about all the bad things she saw and listened to her without judgment. He was handsome, sweet, and caring but she was too damaged to enjoy it. The feeling of failure weighed heavy on her shoulders pressing her into a hole of her own making. It was her own fault, it took her three tries but she finally managed to push him away. Third time's the charm or in her case the third time was the nail in her preverbal coffin.

Sitting at the bar with the team staring into a glass of scotch, her third for the evening, she took her time thinking over the relationships she'd messed up. It was truly sad and broken road, memory lane, filled with the twisted carnage and torn corpses she tended to leave in her wake. Broken hearts lay scattered along that lonely mental rode she traveled, headstones marking the beginning and end of each relationship. She'd managed to tell herself that some of them were better left shattered. But this particular screw up brought with it a shadow of grief and hopelessness. She'd really messed up this time.

She couldn't help thinking that part of the problem was that their relationship wasn't the only secret they were keeping from the team. That secret burned the longer he had to keep it inside and she knew it. And she couldn't help thinking that he resented her for it. She was wrong, forcing him to hide something like that. But he did it because he loved her and she had pushed him away. That filled her with such guilt it was impossible to look in the mirror sometimes. Every now and then she could see it in his eyes, the heartache she caused him. She'd used guilt to talk him into hiding something that he never really wanted to. And he'd been doing it for so long she started to worry about tainting everything good about him.

Instead of looking at all there was to be happy about in her relationship she nitpicked at every little mistake or misstep. He didn't make many; sometimes he just didn't know how to handle something. He would tell her and ask her what she needed from him. No guy had ever done that before; they all assumed or didn't care. Yet another piece of evidence that he wasn't like any other man. The final misstep, in her mind only, was his reaction to a blonde cop who showed interest in him. The moment he started talking, cracking the case in a way only he could, he'd had her attention. As always he was completely unaware of her feelings or her advances. It was something she liked about him, his never ending innocence even after all the horror and mayhem he'd seen.

She'd found an issue where there wasn't one, he seemed too interested in her, and she'd found weakness where it didn't live. He smiled at her, that was all, and she's flown off the handle as though he'd thrown her down on the table and had his way with her. He'd tried to defend himself but she'd thrown every emotional thing she could at him. In the end, he'd told her that she finally got what she wanted. He was done, he couldn't take it anymore. Watching him walk away, she realized the mistake she was making but it was already too late. That was a month ago.

Now as she was watching him talk to a pretty blonde at the bar she couldn't help the jealousy that twisted in her gut. She'd screwed up, not him. He deserved to be happy. So why couldn't she get that thought to her stomach or her heart for that matter. Morgan made a joke about finally getting "Pretty Boy" to talk to a girl. It helped that he apparently already knew her. She was laughing at his jokes, though Emily wasn't sure she knew what they meant. Her color block bandage dress was too tight and the more she flipped her hair the more Emily wanted to pull it. That was probably the jealousy talking. Emily sincerely wanted to hate the woman, but how could she hate someone who was smart enough to see what she saw?

Instead she had another drink and danced with a random guy who wore too much cologne. He smelled like a teenage boy on his first date. When she got back everyone was discussing Reid's friend wondering if he met her while he was on sabbatical. The continued to talk about it until Spencer brought her to the table.

"Hey guys, this Sergeant Jenna Warren of the Australian Federal Police. Jenna this is my team."

"It's nice to finally meet you all. Spencer's told me a lot about you." She said smiling. Her thick Australian accent made her even more likable but that didn't change the way Emily thought about her.

"How did you two meet?" Morgan asked through the world's widest shit-eating grin. Spencer gave him an irritated look.

"We met at a gun range in Geneva. He was showing a target he was boss. I took him out and got him drunk. Even talked him into a tattoo." Emily thought about the scroll with the Latin saying on his back. She knew exactly where that tattoo was located, spent a late night conversation tracing it with her finger; she'd even left scratches around it in the heat of passion. Knowing that put a little smile on her face.

"So, are you the reason Pretty Boy came back a different man?" Emily felt herself smile a little wider.

"I wish, it wasn't for lack of trying. His mind and heart were elsewhere." There was a look she didn't understand shot her way by the blonde Australian. Instead of continuing to listen she jumped up and made her way toward the dance floor.

"EP, where are you off to?" Garcia called to her. Before answering she shot a look at Spencer before smiling over her shoulder at her friends.

"I'm not in the mood to sleep alone." She didn't dare look back to see if she caused any damage to him. She did her best not to cringe hearing her own words. He was the only guy she wanted to sleep with but that didn't change on important fact. He was better off without her. She was sure. That didn't really make it easy to let go. She danced with another guy, this one had a problem following directions in regards to where to keep his hands, before finding Spencer surrounded by Jenna's pretty friends and the team. Instead of listening to the little voice in her head that told her to stay where she was she walked over to join in the conversation.

"No, Lucy was Interpol. She wanted Spencer bad; every time she was within five feet of him his face lost all traces of color. But his ears would turn bright red. He would literally hide from her. To save his ass, Lindsey kissed him but that still didn't stop Lucy. She was convinced her needed her to deflower him." She came in on the tail end of a story before every one fell in fits of laughter.

"He's no virgin." Emily didn't even believe she said it out loud until everyone looked at her. She could feel the heat rush to her face but she didn't dare say anything else. She wasn't sure she liked the way Jenna looked at her.

"No he isn't. I'm inclined to believe he's quite the animal." Spencer's cheeks flushed with color and that pissed Emily off. So he'd slept with her. she silently wondered if there was steam coming out of her ears.

"Know from experience do you?" her voice came out cold and a little hostile. Everyone stopped talking, drinking, even laughing to watch the exchange.

"You sound like a jealous girlfriend." Emily simply shrugged and looked the other woman in the eye without backing down.

"No much to be jealous of, we have nothing in common. We aren't even on the same level."

"I hate to break it to you, mate; we have something pretty big in common."

"As long as we know who had it first."

"Okay! That's quite enough, Emily can I have a moment?" Spencer said through clenched teeth. Emily didn't have to look at him to know he was pissed, that's the only time she really heard that voice. She grabbed her drink to take it with her and he took it out of her hand. "I think you've had quite enough." His hand met her back and he propelled her forward away from the table. Whenever he was angry she always expected him to scream or yell but he never did. He never got rough, his touch was always gentle. Even the hand on her back was gentle, it was just insistent. When they were far enough away he stepped in front of her and she could see anger in his eyes but his cheeks were still flushed. "I don't understand you. You dumped me, accused me of flirting with another woman and broke up with me, and now you want to be the jealous girl friend?"

"You slept with her!"

"No, I didn't. She just doesn't like you very much. If you're wondering why that is, you making a complete ass of yourself just now, exhibit A. It's not fair to decide you don't want me and then get pissed because you think someone else does. She's my friend, every time you broke my heart she was there for me."

"Oh she was there for you, alright." He shook his head and took a step back.

"And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"We both know you aren't as innocent or doe eyed as you look, Spencer. You blushed; you always blush when sex is involved."

"I blushed because I'm embarrassed. I'm mostly embarrassed because my ex-girlfriend, the one who dumped me, just shoved private business in the entire teams face!"

"She started it!" _Oh, Emily, that was mature_. She thought to herself. "She was practically shoving the fact that she slept with you in my face!"

"I didn't sleep with her! Why are you so quick to think I would? What have I done to make you think _I_ would lie?" The last question stung. She took a step closer to him and he took another step back.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Let's not forget who lied to whom here. You lied to me! I covered up for you."

"I'm so tired of apologizing for something I can't change!"

"And I am so tired of defending myself when I haven't done anything wrong. I love you, I want to be with you, but it's obvious you don't feel the same way." before she could respond he turned and walked away. Everything in her wanted to follow him but she had no idea what she would say if she did.

"So you're the infamous Emily, I've heard a lot about you. I have to say, though, I'm a little disappointed." Jenna appeared out of nowhere while Emily was attempting to drown her sorrows. Instead of responding immediately she gave her a look that should have burned her where she sat.

"Excuse me?" Jenna flipped her hair over her shoulder and smiled. Emily realized she didn't like that smile. It said this woman knew way too much.

"You know, before Paris, I tried to get him to go out with me. He tried but his heart wasn't in it. The nicest guy I've ever met, I wanted to see if I we could have something. It took him a couple of dates to tell me that his heart belonged to someone else. It didn't matter that she was gone; he needed time to get over her. That was maybe the sweetest thing I'd ever heard. He told me about the girl who he thought was worthy of such high honor. I wanted to hate you but the way he talked about you made me like you. After Paris, he came to me in tears and I wanted to strangle you. He was willing to give up everything he believed in to keep you safe. It's the reason he was so angry at JJ, she let him believe such a big lie. But you made it worse mate. It tore me up inside, watching him suffer like that." Emily wanted to be angry with her but she was right. She had the greatest man in the world and she screwed it up.

"You don't understand." She defended sounding feeble even to her own ears.

"I understand a lot of things, love. I know how hard it is to let someone in when you've been screwed over. But if there was ever anyone who's worth trying, it's Spencer." Jenna stared her down as she spoke. Emily could read anger and jealousy in her cool pale grey eyes and her body language. "You don't deserve a man like that if you don't know that already. And what you accused him of, looking at another girl, it's not in his DNA."

"I know."

"Than fix it, because I hate seeing him heartbroken. He doesn't deserve it. He got that tattoo because he was thinking of you. 'A posse ad esse'...he wanted to believe in something again after losing the girl of his dreams. Either you un-break his heart or I will."

"Is that a threat?" She let out a boisterous laugh downing the rest of her drink before looking at Emily again.

"No, love, that's a promise. After what he did for you, he deserves something better than what you're giving." Her tone quickly became menacing and took on a sharp edge. She stared at Emily for longer than was really necessary or comfortable before someone called her name. She nodded to someone behind Emily's before dropping money in the tip jar on the bar. Jenna gave one last look before walking away and that look was like a knife to the gut. She sat at the bar for maybe five minutes before finally moving. The idea of Spencer being with someone else made her move. She couldn't deal with that. She decided she wasn't going to let that woman steal her guy. All she had to do was get Spencer to forgive her. And after the complete ass she had made of herself that wasn't going to be an easy feat.

Showing up at his apartment when he was this pissed was a risky move but she had to. She asked the cab driver to stop so she could get some coffee. He was inclined to be nicer when she brought him coffee. When she knocked on the door she was prepared for him to slam the door in her face. She was prepared for him to ignore the fact that she was there. Emily knew he was home, his car was outside, but she would completely understand if he didn't want to talk to her. When he opened the door shirtless she almost completely forgot what she was about to say. He didn't stand there; he walked away from the door leaving it open for her to enter. Without speaking, Emily walked in and put the coffee down. Spencer walked in the kitchen without a word and leaned against the counter waiting for her. after she laid her coat down on the sofa and kicked her shoes off she walked in truly understanding the meaning of the term 'tail between your legs'.

"Peace offering," she said quietly leaning on the counter across from him. He didn't speak but he accepted the coffee adding less sugar than he would have a few years before. She watched him move staring at the tattoo on his back. She would never look at it the same way again. _A posse ad esse_- from being able to being.

"Why are you here?" He asked after ten minutes of uncomfortable silence. She didn't want to show that his tone of voice, with its hard almost solid edge, stung her in ways she couldn't explain.

"I'm an idiot, that's why I'm here. After all we've been through I still couldn't turn it off."

"You didn't try." He replied quietly. Emily took a deep breath and organized her thoughts. She took the coffee out of his hand and moved closer to him so he could look at her. she moved close enough to feel the heat coming off of his skin.

"I can see it, you know. I can see how bad this could end. I can see how deep I could fall for you, am falling for you, and I know it could end horrible. When I know that it's hard to just ignore that mind numbing fear that sinks deep into me every time you look at me. It scares me, you scare me. I'm just getting used to everyone knowing my deepest darkest secret. It's like being bare ass naked in a room full of people all the time. It was harder to take my clothes of in front of you then it ever was before. Half of that was because I have two more scars to add to the others, and half because you aren't just another guy. I was afraid that you would see all the bad parts and loose interest. I'm sorry; I know you would never do what I accused you of. It's just that when enough people hurt you…well that's not really important. I just want to try again. I want us to start over and I know I don't really deserve it but I really miss you…" before she could finish he kissed her. He kissed her in a way that immediately left no room for argument. His long fingers slipped into her hair curling against her scalp as his tongue swept teasingly over her lip. She acquiesced and opened her mouth to let him in shivering with the first soft caress of his tongue against hers. Spencer's other arm slipped around her waist and pulled her flush against his body as he deepened the kiss. When air became necessary for their survival he pulled away just to breath. She opened her mouth to speak but he shook his head.

"Emily, shut up." He said softly against her lips before kissing her again. She sighed and melted against his chest. Her body felt warm, the first spike of desire rushing through her, pressed up against the full length of his. Her fingers were tangled in his hair and pressed against his neck as his hand slipped under her shirt.

"Can we start over? Can you forgive me?" he pressed his lips against hers in a very soft barely there kiss before leaning back to meet her eyes.

"On one condition, the next time you get scared you have to tell me about it. This isn't always going to be easy but we have to do this together. Or it isn't going to work. The next time you end this you better mean it."

"You have my word." Emily replied sincerely.

"Okay. Morgan mentioned something to me a while ago and I was wondering how you feel about it. What are your thoughts on make-up sex?" Emily smiled and slipped her arms around him.

"I'm better at show than tell but you have a choice, bedroom or right here."

_"Love after war, I need you tonight baby. Love after war, come on and let me make it right. Love after war..."_


	15. Stop The World

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry I haven't posted anything in a while. In my defense I'm a student and that takes a lot of work sometimes. So, Stop the World is a song by Maxwell. I hope you like it. Enjoy!**

_"Imagine if it was, If this was you, If this was I. So perfectly designed to be here all night. Let the world rage outside cause when I'm here with you the world stops for me..."_

"Hey Hotch, you feel like going for a run?" Emily asked her boss on the way to their rooms. Hotch gave her a confused and surprised look.

"Depends on how long a run you want."

"A couple of miles should do it." Hotch gave her another look, one she wasn't quite sure she knew the meaning of. Instead of responding he opened his door and motioned for Emily to enter. She could feel two pairs of eyes on her but decided to ignore them for the time being. She took in Hotch's room as she walked in noting that it looked just like hers. Same ugly burnt orange, red, and yellow paisley wall paper, same tan bedspread over white sheets, same over stuffed tan chair beside the bed, same dark wood armoire with the cabinet to hide the TV, and the same file covered dark wood table with matching chairs.

"Emily, is everything alright?" His voice startled her; she didn't think she was that lost in her thoughts until it did. She was taking great strides not to think about the one thing she really wanted to think about. The chill was back, the one that only had one solution and it wasn't running but that was a start. And being around her boss would keep her from doing the thing that she wasn't supposed to think about.

"I'm fine sir." She lied forcing a smile but she could tell he didn't buy it. She was doing her damndest to be fine and there was only one thing that could really help, well person is more accurate.

"Where is Reid right now?" Emily did her best to curb her first response which had to do with the burning sensation on the back of her head when she walked in. He was probably still out there doing his best to stay calm. Just like Emily.

"I don't know. We're on a case so we're being professional." He gave her another look, this one was bordering on sympathetic. "You gave us rules and we're trying to follow them. It's hard, particularly with cases as intense as this one." Intense wasn't the word. It was never easy when the only way to catch the UNSUB came with another body. The whole team felt the weight of Christina Hendly's death on their shoulders.

"You have a unique opportunity, Emily. One that all of us, individually, wish we had at this exact moment. Running might help but I really don't want you running around in the middle of the night in a town that blames us for what happened last night." Emily hoped that her mouth wasn't physically hanging open and that her eyes weren't as wide as saucers.

"What are you saying Hotch?" He took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of the bed with a loud sigh.

"I'm saying I'm going to bed. As far as I'm concerned the case is over." Emily nodded in understanding. He didn't have to tell her twice.

"Thanks Hotch." With that she slipped out of his room letting the door click shut quietly.

* * *

><p>It was one of those cases, the kind that left each team member feeling heavy and lonely. The weight of what they had to deal with, what they'd seen; tended to weigh heavily on their shoulders. Reid more than anyone else. He couldn't forget the details that tended to go fuzzy for everyone else. He felt dirty like there was blood on his hands and something gritty covering his entire being. That's why a long hot shower had seemed like a good idea. But it didn't help. It just left him wishing they had flown home.<p>

He stared out of the window watching rain fall on the sleepy town. He understood why the people looked at them the way they did. The death of the last victim was on them. It was a sad fact, sometimes they needed another body to gather the information necessary to solve the case, no one like it but it was a fact. No one hated it more than him. He remembered the looks and the whispers the cops thought they didn't hear. It pained him that someone else had lost their life so they could find the killer but there was nothing he could do to fix it. Her life paved the way to stopping the evil son of a bitch for good but that was no consolation to her parents or friends.

Nights like this he sincerely wished he hadn't agreed to Hotch's rules for the road. He would like nothing more than to pull his girlfriend and his arms and sink into the warmth and love he only felt in her presence. It had been difficult not to do just that when the third victim was found. It didn't help that all the victims had dark hair, dark eyes, and pale skin. After realizing there was nothing else they could do without another body they'd gone back to the hotel. He'd had a nightmare that centered on Emily being that next victim and woke up in a cold sweat fighting back the sobs that wanted to claw their way up his throat.

He sent her a message telling her he desperately needed to see her and orchestrated a meeting in the stairwell. He could look at her and tell she hadn't slept well either. They spent maybe two hours on the steps wrapped around each other until the chill went away. Knowing she was alive and okay made it easier to go back to his room and fool himself into thinking he was actually going to get some sleep. Instead he went back to his room and stared at the same files hoping to see something new.

His mind went back to the hallway where he'd seen Emily walk into Hotch's room with Morgan right beside him. His friend had given him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder before heading towards the bar next to the hotel. They all needed to blow off steam; it would have been different if they were home. Everyone could happily sink into their own vices that helped them stare into the darkness day after day and week after week. Before he could think about his vices too deeply there was a knock at his door. He sighed deeply before heading to the door hoping it wasn't Morgan there to talk him into accompanying him to the bar to be his wingman. Whatever that was, Reid still wasn't sure.

Instead he found Emily standing there wringing her hands. He took a second to steady himself before opening the door. There would be no dragging her in and pulling her to the bed not to leave until they were about to board the jet. He pulled open the door as calmly as possible noting the way his hand gripped and flexed against the door knob. It was really no use, she knew him better than anyone. She moved inside without a word averting her gaze from his. He peeked out into the hall to make sure no one saw them.

"Em, we can't." Reid said softly leaning against the wall near the entryway. She didn't respond for a couple of minutes standing in the room like she was lost. He hated seeing her that way but they had promised Hotch that nothing would happen while they were on a case. That was a promise he intended to keep. She shook off whatever kept her from moving toward him and stepped into his space. He could smell her perfume, Marc Jacobs Lola, both fruity and flowery at the same time. She looked up at him and he could feel his resolve cracking before her lips even met his.

"Don't say no, please." She said softly as he met her sparkling, dark eyes. Emily's hands landed on his waist as she stared up at him biting her lip. He knew he was losing, he couldn't say no when she looked at him that way. "Please, Spencer." Before she finished his name his hand was buried in her hair. His mouth crashed down on hers pulling her flush against his body. A gasp and a moan escaped her, her nails biting into him through the thin fabric of his shirt as she balled her hands against his back. Reid's fingers stroked the skin bared when she raised her arms slipping between her belt and back. When he pulled away to take a breath her mouth moved to his neck. A spike of desire and a shiver shot through him at just the slightest touch.

"Em, I don't think…" his back met the wall beside the bed with a heavy thump and buttons went flying as she tore open his shirt. He couldn't stop his eyes from fluttering shot as her hands slid down his abdomen slowly.

"If you're still thinking I must not be doing enough." She whispered her warm, wet breath making him shiver. Without much trouble her mouth found that one spot that shattered his control. One scrape of her teeth and he attacked any bare skin he could find with just as much vigor. He reveled in every soft sounds she made, the whimper when his thumbs brushed the ides of her breasts through her shirt, the gasp when he ripped that shirt right down the middle, the throaty moan she let out when he nipped at the underside of her breasts through her pale pink lace bra. Those sounds fueled the fire roaring in his belly. He could get enough off her, all the holding back he had to do when he was around the team and when they were on a case made him ravenous as soon as he got his hands on her.

Emily had enough of him trying to take control and shoved him down on the bed. He did love it when she got aggressive. He got to watch her eyes move over him hungrily, a look that always sent a shiver up his spine. She took her time stroking him through his pants as she nipped, kissed, bit, and sucked her way down his chest and abdomen. He could feel her smile against skin whenever he made a sound she liked. His favorite part was when she pulled his boxer briefs down with her teeth. By that's point he'd had about enough. He needed to be inside her. Her responding giggle let him know she knew exactly what she was doing when he hauled her up and pinned her to the mattress. For that reason he wasn't satisfied until she was naked, panting, and clawing the sheets.

A feeling of satisfaction and peace spread through his body as he pushed inside the woman he loved. Her eyes went wide and her nails dug into his shoulder hard enough to break skin. He abandoned the horror of their day and the frustration he'd held onto since they realized they couldn't find the killer without another body in favor of the heat coming off of Emily. His mind went pleasantly blank and his body took over giving as good as he received and dragging her up as high as he was. As her body tightened around him with a loud cry to the sky above he drifted with her on a sea of ecstasy bathing in the white light that coated his vision. His bones liquefied making Emily and Spencer one person for a while. In that moment, it didn't matter what was going on outside. It didn't matter if the town hated them, it didn't matter that they weren't allowed to be together while on cases.

In that moment, on a cloud somewhere above cloud nine, all that mattered was the feel of her body against his and her lips on his skin. They laid in a tangle of limbs both sated and wanting more. Without separating from her he rolled onto his back pulling her along with him smiling at the contented sigh that escaped her.

"Well today sucked right up until about an hour ago." She whispered softly nuzzling his neck as her fingers danced across his chest.

"At least it's better now. Hotch is going to kill us though."

"Yeah, about that, I think he actually told me to come here?"

"You're kidding?" Emily shifted and climbed on top of him straddling his hips.

"No, his exact words were "as far as I'm concerned the case is over" and I left. I guess he figured out what I've known for a while now."

"Yeah, what's that?" Reid asked sitting up and wrapping his arms around her body.

"When you love someone they tend to make everything better." With a smile she always called his sex smile he rolled her onto her back and covered her body with his. He leaned down and kissed her letting her body claim his again.

"I couldn't agree more."

_"We're about to stop the world tonight. We're about to love, we ain't got no worries, no battles..."_


	16. Hold Me

**A/N: Hello again. Tonight you get two, two, two updates for the price of one. If you're anything like me you love a gift with purchase and free stuff. So here you go. Hold Me is a song by St. Lola in the Fields. I hope you like it. I want to give you a little background for this one, this takes place after the events of Demonology.**

_"Sad and sweet the tail of love, just short of being just enough. To feel your fingertips so much to lose for what we risk. Don't matter if it don't hold up..."_

Anguish, pure unadulterated anguish, was all Emily felt. She thought catching the bastard who killed her friend would make her feel better but it didn't. It just made the sadness heavier. She didn't have anything to focus her pain on. The bad guy was caught and justice was going to be served. Why didn't it help? Why didn't she feel better, like she'd avenged her friend? Why did she suddenly feel so lost and lonely?

She had done her best not to think about Matthew Benton. He was there for her when she needed him the most. He took on something that wasn't even his responsibility but he acted as though it was. He'd done all that for her and she'd failed him. He'd fallen into drugs deeply, got lost in a hole so deep he didn't know how to get out. It had been a long time since she'd seen him but he still meant the world to her.

Her failure haunted her, the icy touch of fear sunk deep into her bones. If she was Matthew she would be her own personal poltergeist. Casper the pissed off ghost. She was shoulder deep in her own sadness when a familiar voice called her name. She was so deep in it that she looked around to see where it came from. There was a silver impala pulled up to the curb with the window rolled down and a familiar face looking through from the driver's side.

"How did you find me?" She asked quietly shoving the tattered photograph back in her pocket.

"I was picking up some food before coming to check on you." He shut off the car and climbed out leaving the window down. She expected him to trot over to her his gangly limbs wiggling with the effort to keep himself upright in the slippery snow. Instead he shoved his hands into his pockets and moved toward her carefully as though he was afraid she would run if he approached her to fast.

"I'm fine." She lied wiping at her nose to make sure the blood was gone.

"I didn't say you weren't. But it's my job to make sure. So I'm here, for you." As he spoke his gaze never wavered, it stayed steady and sure meeting her own. When he reached out his hand the only logical thing she could do was take it. He pulled her close wrapping his arm around her and rubbing hers with his hand. Her arm slipped around his waist anchoring herself to his solid form. She let him lead her to his car and got in without a fuss.

When they got to her apartment he brought her up to her room and sat her on her bed before disappearing in her bathroom. She watched him absently finding it difficult to develop any kind of interest in what he was doing. He'd been in her apartment a few times before, enough to know where everything was. When he came out his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and his tie was loosened. The ends of his hair curled in the steam pouring from the bathroom. Something blossomed in her belly, something deep she'd been burying since Colorado. It was the first thing she'd felt since he put her in the car.

With careful precision he pulled her to her feet opening her coat and slipping it off her shoulders. She just watched him with wide barely focused eyes. After her coat fell he led her to the bathroom. The tub was filled with water and bubbles with a clean flowery scent. Lavender.

"Get in the tub and relax, I'll being you anything you want." She doesn't respond she just stares at him as if seeing him for the first time. "I can strip you if you want but I'm sure you would prefer to do it yourself."

"It's not like you haven't seen it all before." She heard herself say. She watched the blush color his cheeks. He was really good at pretending what happened in his bed after Colorado didn't happen. It was a road they couldn't travel. There was too much at stake. But right now she wanted nothing more than wrap him around her like a warm blanket. That's probably what made her decide to start getting undressed standing less than a foot away from him. To his credit he backed away and headed toward the door.

"I'm gonna let you take a bath, I'll be downstairs if you need me." He went to move away but she grabbed his tie to keep him in place. His warm chocolate brown eyes searched her own for a clue as to what she needed. She didn't need him to be clinical or detached. What she needed was dangerous for the both of them. It could end badly, it could hurt them both, but right at that moment she didn't care. Instead she pulled him down till his lips met hers. They were soft, full, and always so welcoming. Especially when he bit one while he was thinking.

Heat flared in her belly as his lips moved against hers pulling, caressing, touching. His arms pulled her against his chest with strength she'd only recently learned to expect from him. She moaned when his tongue brushed against her lips seeking entrance. His silky hair heightened everything she was feeling as her fingers sunk into it. Spencer gasped and it sent another wave of desire through Emily. She couldn't feel anything but him by this point.

Her fingers slid down his back feeling his muscles move under his shirt before attacking the buttons of his shirt. She pulled away from his mouth only to take a breath and let him pull her shirt over her head. After hers hit the floor she gave a sharp tug popping the last two buttons. Before it hit the floor her hands were sliding underneath his t-shirt feeling his muscles twitch under his baby soft skin. "Emily," he gasped complying when she pushed his shirt up and off. His pale skin drew her attention quickly as she pressed open mouth kisses to the milky surface. His pulse leaped against her lips as she nipped at a particularly sensitive piece of skin. She felt it when his hands braced against her arms to push away.

"I know you didn't want it to be like this but I need this." She all but cried pressing her face against his chest. "I need you. I know this is fast and I know we've only been on a few date. Please don't stop."

"I'm not going anywhere. I just want to slow down." Her emotions were too raw for self control; she needed to do something, anything. She needed to wrap him around her until she felt safe again. She needed to be somewhere the shadows couldn't get her. "I'll take care of you but you have to let me. I'm going to let you take a bath. I'm right outside and you can call me if you need me."

With that he dipped out and closed the door quietly. It wasn't until then that she realized her hands were shaking. It wasn't until she climbed into the tub and washed her skin raw that the walls started crumbling. She was good at compartmentalizing but right now it wasn't working. She kept fighting because she knew if the tears started falling she wouldn't be able to stop. Before she knew it she'd be sobbing. It only took one.

She wasn't sure how long she sat there staring into space when a knock startled her. She flinched so hard water sloshed out of the tub. She realized she was cold when Spencer stepped in with a thick towel. He got to the tub, turned his head away, and held the towel open so he could wrap it around her when she stood up. The moment his arms around her body the first tear fell, then another. They fell slowly as she got dressed and the torrent started. Before she knew it she was sobbing holding on to Spencer like she always did. He just held her while she cried. It wasn't the first time she'd sought comfort in the arms of her faithful friend. She spoke as she cried but she wasn't sure any of it made sense.

She realized, there in his arms, that she'd buried the horrible stories of her life so deep that they always came out feeling dirtier. Here was a person who fought off darkness without help but he was always there when someone needed him. He was there for JJ when she killed the guy who shot Garcia. He was there for Morgan when blamed himself for things that weren't his fault. Morgan was the protector but Spencer was the shoulder to cry on for everyone. He never complained or got irritated with the job. He'd given her everything she needed and was honest with her no matter what.

In some ways Spencer reminded her of Matthew. They both took on the world for a friend. They both got lost because of something that wasn't their fault. Spencer had fought his way out and made it back into the light. Matthew had never made it. Neither knew what to believe in because at some point what they believed in betrayed them. And no matter how much of a mess she was they still stayed around her. Even when they clearly should have walked away.

There was one serious difference. Matthew had been a friend and nothing else. Spencer hadn't been just a friend since they were nearly killed together. The look in his eyes when she took the beating from Cyrus had started a fire. She wasn't sure where it came from. It had taken her by surprised. She expected it to go out after they were safe but she found out that the fire lived in him too. Before that she'd never thought of Spencer Reid as a sexual being. But he was. That night, their first real date, she met Spencer. Since she met him he'd been Reid. Now she knew the difference. Spencer was the person holding her while she cried. No matter what happened here, he would go back to being Reid if that's what she wanted.

For the first time she could admit that that wasn't what she wanted. She'd lost her chance to show Matthew how much he meant to her. Her secrets caused his death, sent him spiraling down a path so filled with apparitions of dreams lost and broken faith that it was impossible to navigate. She wasn't going to let that happen a second time. She still had a life to live and she owed it to Matthew to live it. He helped make it possible. She'd wasted enough time. So later that night when Spencer got up to leave, with the silent promise that he would be Reid when she saw him at work, she caught his arm and pulled him close. Pulling his shirt she brought his lips down to hers.

He reacted immediately pulling her close and slipping his arms around her waist. Her fingers slipped into his curls opening herself up to the onslaught of sensation. He stumbled back pressing her against the wall and kissing her till her knees felt like jelly. Her body reacted begging him for more but he pulled away like the gentlemen he was and moved to the other side of the tiny hallway.

"I don't want you to go back to being Reid. I've been terrified of living for a long time now. I'm always afraid of getting hurt. Someone who cared about me and who I cared about is dead now. Without him, I wouldn't be here. So I owe it to him to stop being scared and try something that just might make me happy. And I think this will make us both happy. I don't want to let work stop us from figuring out where this leads and that's what we've been doing. So I don't want you to go home and I don't want you to go back to being Reid. I want to get to know Spencer." He didn't respond with words or answer at all. Instead the most dazzling smile spread across his face. It was a contagious smile.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say that." Emily felt her smile grow wider before she reached out her hand and pulled him back into her apartment.

_"Let's don't make guarantees or promises we have to keep. Let's let what will be will be. Hold me, Hold me, Hold me baby tonight. This might be the last chance for one last kiss..."_


	17. Who Knows

**A/N: I hope you like this one too. Who knows is a song by Natasha Bedingfield.**

****_"I'm in like with you, not in love with you quite yet. My hearts beginning to slightly overrule my head. Oh no, Oh no, my self control, it won't hold up for very long. Oh no you touch my soul, I can't help falling too fast for you..."_

How did she get here? She blamed Morgan, if he hadn't gone all pre-adolescent with a water gun after their case was over it would never have escalated. They wouldn't have been in his backyard running around like children with water guns and water balloons to get each other back. Then she would never have seen the side of Reid that turned their game into a tactical operation equipped with espionage and spy tactics. With his orchestration they surrounded Morgan and soaked him through. If that hadn't happened Morgan would never have retaliated with a water hose.

She would have never thought a water hose would change her world forever. Her eyes somehow fell on her skinny, nerdy, fact-spewing teammate and he surprised her. He was wearing a smile that brightened up his whole face and brought light to his normally tired eyes. It was something he'd never experienced but thoroughly enjoyed. He pulled his soaked shirt over his head and went after Garcia when she laughed at him. The tech analyst took off yelling warnings behind her as he chased her with his dripping wet shirt.

His white undershirt molded to his skin revealing not only some sculpted muscle but a line of what appeared to be dark writing. Spencer Reid had a tattoo! That completely changed the way she thought about the young genius. That moment wasn't the one that changed her world though. The moment came shortly after that. She walked away so she would stop staring. She couldn't afford to look at him like that. He was too young and she was too old, they were just getting back to being friends. Anything else would be too hard. As it was, she was a mess. She'd been on date after date and she just wasn't feeling what she wanted to feel. But in that moment, looking at him, she'd felt something.

She'd gone into the kitchen for ice or another drink using the insane heat as an excuse. Midwinter heat waves have a tendency to sizzle before they crashed. And then she made the mistake of deciding to go to the bathroom. She was on her way there when she heard voices. She hadn't even heard them come in. Morgan and Reid were laughing about something before Morgan left the room. He was in the room alone changing and Emily being the pervert she felt like watched him. She just wanted to see what was under the shirt. She'd been spending all this time around him and she'd never looked at him they way she did when he pulled off his shirt. His back was to her but that didn't stop her from staring. All it took was seeing him that way to change the way she was around him.

She tried making things as normal as possible. It wasn't like they hadn't hung out before, they hung out a lot. She told herself they were just friends because they were but she knew that wasn't all she wanted. She wanted more than she needed and what she needed was to stay far away from him but she wasn't smart enough for that. Instead she hung around like a mouth to flame not realizing that all she was going to get was burned. Her real mistake didn't come until she went to hang out with him at his apartment. He opened the door shirtless apologizing for not being dressed and needing to do laundry. Before he could run away she grabbed his hand to stop him.

She pulled him close so she could run her fingers over the words she only caught a glimpse of before. In delicate cursive writing "Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom" stood out in stark contrast to his pale skin.

"Is this new?" she asked keeping her eyes on the ink. He tried to pull away but she stopped him and met his eyes finally. He looked ashamed. "Tell me." He took a deep breath shifting his skin against her hand before sighing.

"I almost relapsed, while you were gone. Have you ever heard of the Serenity Prayer?" She nodded in reply. "Well it's used a lot at meetings. It took a while for it to sink in but when it finally did I decided that I needed to be reminded constantly. A friend of mine, one of the cops I know, told me he gets a tattoo every time he gets close to relapsing to remind him of how close he came. He told me it helped so I decided that I should try it because I wasn't doing all that well on my own. It's worked pretty well." He tried to cover himself and pull away again and before she could stop the words they flew out of her mouth.

"Stop, you're perfect." When her words met her ears she blushed and heat flared in her cheeks.

"I'm not, far from it actually." His hand closed over hers pulling it away from his skin. He was about to say something but she moved and started talking. That was too close.

She kept her distance for most of the night making sure she didn't do anything stupid. She was cleaning up after they ate washing a dish. He was drying them and putting things back in cabinets. Every time he so much as looked at her she blushed. It was bad enough that she'd started calling him Spencer. He leaned over her, barely touching and she blushed to the tips of her hair. He didn't ignore it this time. He was speaking and she just kissed him. Stood up on her toes and kissed him. It didn't escape her notice that he kissed her back.

Emily backed away after realizing what she'd done and turned to high tail it out of the kitchen. He caught her arm, pulled her to his body, and kissed her dizzy. When she'd finally managed to get the message to untangle her limbs from his she tried to get as far away as possible. Unfortunately he was a man on a mission now.

"Stop walking away from me!" Spencer cried following Emily as she did her best to get away from him. She couldn't do this right now; she couldn't feel this right now. She needed to focus on something else, anything else, besides what it felt like to… no, she wasn't going through this with him. He needed to be as far away from her as he could get and that wasn't going to happen if he kept following her.

"I can't do this!" she cried back heading for his apartment door. This wasn't supposed to happen; they were just friends and coworkers, nothing more. So why was this so hard? Why was she in his apartment again when she knew she shouldn't be? They were both going to lose their jobs or worse. Being distracted in the field could cost them their lives and she already worried about him way too much. Falling in love with him was just stupid. A very gentle hand grabbed her wrist and turned her around. At the same time he backed her up until she was against the wall staring into those big brown eyes that were sure to be the end of her.

"You kissed me and now you're telling me you don't feel anything? It doesn't take a profiler to know that isn't true." It was far from true but there was nothing she could do about that. But she was there more and more over the last few months. It started out almost three years ago as movie nights, someone to hang with him while he recovered from anthrax. Then he got shot and it freaked her out almost as much as what happened to Hotch. Then Hailey died and less than a year later so did she. Their friendship was delicate and needed mending so they spent more time together. He was right, she kissed him. Marathon poker wasn't really all that sexy but she turned it into something else kissing him until her mind caught up with her body.

"We can't, this team is fragile and this will tear it apart. I just can't." she cried shoving him away and moving toward the door again. He put his body in front of hit folding his long arms across his chest. The last case, the one where the victim turned into the attacker and tried to kill the man that hurt her, brought back too many bad memories and she wasn't handling it well. She should have never showed up at his door but she couldn't think of anywhere else she would rather be. Garcia had offered and so had Morgan but she lied and said she wanted to be alone. A half an hour later she showed up at his door with food in hand.

"Can't or won't, why don't you just admit what the real problem is here? You're terrified. I'm not proposing marriage right now. I just want you to stop running." As he spoke she was once again trying to get through the door. And he stopped her, dear God, did he stop her. She quickly found herself pulled into a kiss that turned her knees and every other bone in her body to jello. When he pulled away she was winded and loopy holding onto his shoulder to keep herself from crumbling to the floor. He shouldn't be able to melt her with one kiss, right? That just wasn't normal.

"Where the hell did you learn to kiss that way?" he smiled and leaned down to capture her lips again, she happily melted against him allowing his tongue to stroke and taste her own.

"I know you think of me as a boy but I've been a man for a while now. Just stay, I won't hurt you." Every part of her wanted to run screaming. How many times had someone told her they wouldn't hurt her before doing just that?

"If I thought of you as a boy we would not be in this position." A rosy blush filled his cheeks and she noticed the way his pupils dilated before he covered the slip. "What were you just thinking?"

"One day I'll show you how much I'm not a boy but tonight all I want is for you to stay." She tried to fight off the shiver that descended up her spine but failed miserably.

"Now, you're teasing me. If I stay we'll both be in trouble." It didn't help that throughout this entire conversation she hadn't moved from her place wrapped up in his deceptively strong arms.

"It's not like that…mostly. I just need to know I won't wake up and you'll go back pretending you feel nothing."

"Even if I wanted to, there is no going back after a kiss like that. So, I'm guessing we should talk." She said moving to pull herself away. He smelled good and he was warm and hard all over. Before she knew it he was kissing her again. Her purse hit the floor with her keys and her coat.

"Okay, so we should probably talk from a safe distance." She untangled her limbs from his touching him a little longer than was really necessary to move away.

"I think you're right, Doctor." He opened his mouth to say something and she silenced him with her own. "Mention your IQ and I will bite you."

"Promises, promises."

_"Who knows if I am ready or not, only time will tell. Who knows if we are ready to make this something. Who knows?"_


End file.
